Monday, May 2, 2016

Day 688 - Seeing the Difference between Form and Substance

Beginning to see some ways in how I subjected myself to 'form':


I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand what meaning the word 'form' holds in that there is a difference to substance.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand the  ways I have allowed and accepted myself to live the word 'form' to diminish myself as life/substance.

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I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that form is something to be pursued as value in my life, as for instance in body forms and shapes, where I've started to confuse substance with form and deadened my beingness by forcing it into specific ideas of what it/I should look like.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe my life should take on the form as lived by my parents not seeing, realizing and understanding to which degree they had allowed and accepted their enslavement into and as the system confusing the form they lived themselves as for the substance of life.

I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to be clear on in-form-ation and the way I had placed aspects of my beingness into and as information in separation of myself instead of standing in equality and oneness with the form by substantiating it within/as the living word - thus substantiating the information process into and as form in equality and oneness with life.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that a form requires life/substance to substantiate it to make it real.


Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be subject to the ideas that are placed into a form without standing one and equal to the respective ideas, the information, and the motivation and triggers behind them - as is the case with bonds, certificates and legal systems of commerce - where I become less than it and enslave myself to such placements.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Day 687 - Reaction on Suppositions and Accusation

Recently I had a reaction toward someone who simply accused me of not having done / still not doing something particular, based on pure supposition and totally outside of the context of the conversation we were having.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to questions based on pure suppositions that were placed out of context, with the result that my focus was redirected from the original context into me answering the question, the 'trick' being the tonality of accusation/denunciation.

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I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed a trigger in myself as the belief 'when I am asked something then I must answer', instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is a remnant of school days, where it was consequential to fail to answer a question (an-sir = directing my words as if addressing a sir, where I perceived myself as subordinate, as with the school teacher).

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the trigger in myself as the belief 'I have to defend myself when accused and/or clarify that the accusation is not based on facts/reality'.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am giving away my authority in answering to the person asking questions (as-king) as I do not stand one and equal but subject myself to the other's direction and manipulation instead of taking the starting point of self-direction and self-purpose.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get nervous when people I have just only met in a social context start asking me questions, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I shift into a "having to answer 'correctly'" mode from school days. Instead I breathe and commit to self-honest communication and/or sharing.


I commit to stop and breathe when and as I see myself in the situation of being asked a question and specifically when based on pure suppositions placed out of context in perceived accusation and manipulation. I see, realize and understand that the belief 'I must answer any and all questions posed to me' is not valid and the solution to be lived is self-direction and self-purpose in an equal and one starting point to ensure I do not allow myself to go into the supposition as a 'sub-position' and fall into past pupil-teacher relationships. In this specific case I see through the situation being an attempt at manipulation to reestablish a sort of balance. So instead of answering I direct the conversation back to the relevant point(s).

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Day 686 - Reacting to Noises and the Suppression of Anger Creating Water Retention in Legs

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These points came up in a kinesiology session pertaining to water retention in my legs, so here I'm starting to walk them using self-forgiveness to see how I am creating this situation for myself. 


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to copy patterns from my dad on an unconscious, quantum mind and quantum physical level related to reacting to noises and environmental influences like the computer, TV, cellphone by participating in anger, frustration, annoyance and irritation and retain and thus suppress these emotions, instead of, for instance, living the archetype of the child, where I see the reaction and release it and then channel my self into and as the living word tolerance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project onto others that they are to blame for how I experience myself in such moments and to backchat that they are inconsiderate, thus making myself the victim within such situations and experiences.

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I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create consequences for my body as the retention of water in my legs by retaining the emotions instead of directing myself as them to acknowledge their existence in and as me, to release them with an out-breath and choose a 'living word' to live.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of tightness within me by attempting to understand how a particular paragraph is meant, what experience the words are pointing to and to channel myself into this tension-state where my physical becomes like a pressure chamber and then from not being able to make sense of it make the noise I was hearing the disturbing factor and the person listening to it, the perpetrator.

I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I created myself to be a perpetrator onto myself by channeling/pressuring myself into a tension state and creating my physical into a kind of pressure chamber by the continuous attempt to find meaning within what I was seeing before me.

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I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I was creating myself as the perpetrator onto myself and thus victimize myself within the moments of 'trying to understand'. Also, I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I had also created self-victimization by how I perceived and placed myself within this situation as 'the other being inconsiderate of me', where I am creating a perpetrator and a victim - which is actually the externalization of what I had already created within.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create anger, frustration, annoyance and irritation from this pressure of trying to make sense of the word placement and project it onto the noise that I was hearing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suspect my partner of suppressing points when I was the one suppressing emotions - namely those of irritation, frustration, anger and annoyance to noise in my environment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to build a resistance to my day by considering what the plan for the day is and experiencing it like some kind of arrogation that I have to do this, thusly already placing myself into a victim-mode.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to cover up emotions within me underneath the anger by going into backchat toward my environment for being too loud, where I blame them and am thus not seeing the real point inside of myself that is more a fear, being terrified, sad, depressed, lonely, bored and tired.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accepted these random emotional experiences of fear, being terrified, sad, depressed, lonely, bored and tired into myself as who I am.

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 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accepted a belief in myself of being possessed by the emotional experiences that I have downloaded from my dad - as some kind of dark force inside of myself that's possessing me, which I fear, wherein I see myself to be the victim. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my emotions and thus not stand in/as them to be able to change them...me as them. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accepted a belief in myself of being able of anything I set my mind to implying that I see my emotions as an obstacle within reaching my potential - like if it weren't for these emotions, then I could do anything. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fight against my emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accepted a belief in myself that to be a truly fulfilled human, someone must love me implying that I'm looking for support/pity from other people - like expecting people to help me with my emotions or more like expecting people to make me feel better. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-victimization by in moments perceiving myself as not worthy of being loved and so I am not loved and thus not truly fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accepted a belief in myself wherein I expect my children to make me feel good about myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that one should respect one's elders/parents - from where I wanted to get positive feedback from my children to feel good about myself to escape the negative side of myself, which are the emotions of fear, anger, irritation, annoyance - the 'being terrified', bored, tired, sad, depressed, lonely - for a positive feeling.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being victimized by my emotions in the mornings and thus go into resistance of starting my day. From this - I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as a good person, which I take as a starting point for experiencing myself as a victim of above emotions.

I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I allow myself to victimize myself by participating in emotions and a fear of this, where I feel bad, seek a positive feeling through my kids, based on a belief that parents must be honored and my perception of being a good person. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a heaviness in my body and a resistance toward my day.  I commit to stop participation in feelings and emotions, breathe and direct myself to not allow self-victimization in relation to such experiences and instead see that I had been fighting a part of myself in the moment and I can choose a word to live. 
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I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into imaginations where I imagine/project myself acting out and expressing my anger, where I feel angry and want to say something, but then I don't. Within this, I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am fuelling the anger by going into imaginations and projections of acting it out. Instead I stop and realize that the actual point I'm dealing with is me victimizing myself to my own emotional reactions to whatever is happening around me. So I intend to apply sf on that stance of being a victim.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want others and expect others to help me and/or pity me when I am in an experience of emotional reaction and instead I choose to live empathy.


I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see that reacting to sounds and noises in my environment is where I want help and/or pity for emotional experiences I am going through, where I place myself in a superior position of me being more important in this moment than the other and his self-relationship that produces 'noise' that I react to. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be unaware and inconsiderate of others' feelings, wants and needs. I commit to live the word 'tolerance' with others and my environment, and breathe.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Day 685 - Transforming Ego Points into Something Practical - Living the Archetype of the Alchemist


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Today I'm looking at the solution that was presented to me in my kinesiology session with Kim, where she suggested to live the archetype of the alchemist: 'Someone who can see, work with and transform the (chemical) composition of things'. The point here is to see how I can live that definition of the alchemist in my life at the moment and how I can make the points she mentioned something practical by taking out those points of ego.



So here is the self-forgiveness for the points that have surfaced:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in a positive feeling about being able to impress people with my skills.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I separate myself from my abilities by engaging in a feeling around them and thus do not allow myself to live my skills to my fullest potential.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself entering into a positive feeling around being able to impress people with my skills, as I see, realize and understand that I separate myself within myself and thus actually disempower myself because I am then not fully Here as the physical to embrace all that is Here with me and as me. I decide to transform this into and as the living and expanding of my potential.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling empowered by being able to do things that others can’t.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I adopted the starting point of inferiority in moments where I participated in feeling empowered by being able to do things that others can't.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I in such moments projected onto the other that he doesn't know how to do the things I am able to and such go into a comparison mode wherein I separate myself from the other by creating a polarity of superiority and inferiority.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself entering into a feeling of empowerment by being able to do things that others can't, as I see, realize and understand that I create a polarity of superiority and inferiority by going into comparison with a starting point of inferiority and then attempting to 'reassert' myself. I see I do that by allowing the thought of empowerment. I do not accept this and delete it when as it comes up. I see that real empowerment is not energetic and ego-based, so I let it go and establish myself as the living of abilities as me-here.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire to know everything and gather all knowledge.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the idea that it might be possible to know everything that is going on as the undercurrents of the workings and intricacies of the world system and thus separate myself from my fullest potential because I self-sabotage by creating a conflict of never succeeding and consequent frustration.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to be able to step back within me and see the big picture of the world system and all its intricacies in one piece.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself desiring to know everything and gather all knowledge. I see that it's an idea through which I self-sabotage by creating failure and frustration. Instead I decide to live the word awareness as I realize that knowledge and information are just like pieces of a puzzle nothing more.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the feeling of superiority within having more knowledge than others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity construct of superiority and inferiority and comparison.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have the starting point of inferiority from where I created the idea of superiority.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself going into a feeling of superiority within having more knowledge than others. I see, realize and understand the polarity and separation I am creating and disallow that. Instead I transform myself into and as awareness to expand who I am here and support others to understand what I have come to understand and live.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the feeling of aloneness and isolation in a moment within knowing and seeing things that others don’t.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire of wanting to share about the potential of things that have opened up and realizing where I would have to start with this and seeing that it would go beyond the scope of any 'normal' conversation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect the feeling of aloneness and isolation with this realization, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that if I wanted to share specific points of information I would need to plan in some more time for that to be able to get the complete message across understandably.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself going into the feeling of aloneness and isolation in a moment within knowing and seeing things that others don’t. Instead I see that this is a point of energy participation. I realize that for the kind of information that would trigger the idea of being isolated and alone I would simply allot more time with the person I want to share this with, making sure he/she even wants to know more. I release any self-definitions that I have pertaining to the information because through these I isolate myself from others. I see that by living the information as living words I can share myself as who I am. Thus I decide to transform this point of perceived isolation into and as the living of words that I choose in the moment.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling afraid of the consequences I might create in the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by participating in this emotion I am avoiding to place my starting point here with me, as me. I am thus allowing projections of possible consequences and the fear of such ideas to influence my decisions, instead of 
self-direction and actual communication.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I disempower myself and others within a starting point of fear of consequences for others.

I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself going into feeling afraid of consequences I might create in the lives of others. Instead I decide to transform this state of being and self-relationship into the living of the word empowerment, where I empower myself and from there enable myself to support the self-empowerment of others.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling inferior when I think and believe that I have less knowledge than others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself into and as inferiority and superiority pertaining to knowledge and thus separate myself from myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that knowledge is not worth much when it isn't brought into self-application, something I am able to live.


I commit myself to stop and breathe, when and as I see myself going into a self-perception of inferiority. I see, realize and understand that I am able to transform knowledge into a living application of self step by step, wherein I transform myself into the living word of humbleness. Herein I see, realize and understand that humbleness embraces the physical, and with the starting point of standing one and equal with the physical, I am able to transform knowledge and information into a living application on the principle of best for all.