Montag, 23. Februar 2015

642 Trusting the Physical - Continuation of Self-Commitment and Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself at the point of change in a moment where I can pull myself out of an energy participation, I stop the action, breathe and ground myself. In that I step out of the mindset, direct myself in and as the moment and forgive what I had been directing me instead of me directing myself.
I see, realize and understand that there is motivation within and as energy and self-directive action. I commit to seeing the point of change and applying myself as and within self-directive action.

I see, realize and understand that simply pushing away the fact of the participation and the energy/information I followed the moment I notice I’m doing so amounts to me deciding against life, placing my mindset of getting finished with the action above correcting myself to standing equal to life and the physical – actually using this action in the physical to justify not halting and forgiving, not using the point of change for correction. I commit to stopping such internal justifications and directing myself toward the physical, as the physical by focusing on breath.

I see, realize and understand that I have a behavior pattern of long standing of splitting myself from the physical task, placing myself as the expression of and as ‘mind over matter’. I commit to reversing this by walking the consciousness that I created myself as, correcting the polarities and aligning myself with the correction to stand one and equal with the physical.

I see, realize and understand that all the points I have separated myself from - by and in shifts into consciousness through self-dishonesties = not seeing who I actually am as the physical, as life - have come to manifest in/as the mind consciousness system. Thus the mcs is me in separation from me – and when I participate in it (as it), I am removing myself from my Self.

I see, realize and understand that I am cutting myself off from the ‘big picture’ of and as existence when and as I participate in/as consciousness and am then only able to reference perspectives from within this isolated system – a system based on everything that is removed from life as physical reality. I commit to stopping my unfounded trust in the mcs and allowing myself into a oneness and equality with the physical as and within my body that is already equal and one with existence.

I see, realize and understand that I have actions I identify with, that are ‘mine to do’, and so I want to get them done in one go, where I already have the following action set out in my mind and don’t want an interruption – and thus I only brush aside the thoughts and inner conversations when I notice my participation together with possible corresponding forgiveness. I realize that the self-identification also holds the energy of believing ‘I’m efficient when I pull this through now’ and so I’m set on pulling it through without the interruption of a pause to ground myself and speak self-forgiveness when I realize I’m within internal conversations. I commit to stepping out of such beliefs of efficiency and other energies connected with the task, especially those based on self-identification and allow myself to be here within/as the physical action and to breathe and ground myself when something comes up and I’m tempted to or beginning to participate.

I see, realize and understand that I had accepted myself as being Here versus a part of me here and most of me as my greater-self out there. And in doing so I at the same time accepted all my self-judgments that were also here as valid without challenging them – telling myself all of me is Here, what is Here is the only thing that is valid. So I commit myself, when and as I see myself judging myself, tensing up inside or like a parrot repeating what I had just said in a conversation, where I am allowing self-doubt, to stop and breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to identify with self-doubt or with any self-judgment for that matter. I release the self-judgment and specifically the self-doubt that has surfaced with breath and self-forgiveness. I realize myself from the self-observation framework of and as self-judgment, within which I perpetuated such points and actually reinforced them by making them into self-fulfilling prophesies.

I commit to challenging the self-judgments, the self-perceptions based on thoughts and memories of and as myself.

I see, realize and understand that I had trapped myself in the illusion of a judgment of myself that I believed to be valid and I had to walk myself out of it by meeting unspecified high standards, whereby I would then rise above the specific point being judged. I see that my starting point was off. I commit to practicality – seeing what I am able to improve and walking this step by step – giving myself a clean slate with respect to self-judgments, allowing myself unconditionally without identifying with  I-am statements pertaining to nervousness, insecurity, not finding the right words etc. I commit to walking what is actually still here as a self-limitation without blowing it up disproportionately within the mind, but seeing it for what it is.

to be continued

Samstag, 21. Februar 2015

641 Learning to Trust the Physical - Correction & Commitment Statements

This is the final section of this mini series on learning to trust the physical, instead of living my life in and as the mind within hiding and avoidance. There will be another post with more corrective and commitment statement in this section. And I will pick up on the topic again at a later stage. So here goes:
Artwork by Andrew Gable
 When and as I see myself identifying with the mind system in word, thought or deed, I stop myself and breathe. I see that I am blindly trusting and following the mind as if it were me per se, as if I had never been Life without this system, as if the only statement I am able to make is one of the mind. I see, realize and understand the reason for self-identifications with the mind is that I mistakenly use it as my starting point which can only lead to self-redundancy due to the closed circuitry of its relationship unto itself, and I only see distinct and separate parts of me as an aspect I highlight to myself and reflect on it from within the system, not seeing the whole existence that is me. I commit myself to being aware of my participation in and as a mind consciousness system, to stop myself within and as the mind-identifications as I-am statements, opinions of self and self-judgments. I commit to investigating these and such points as to how I have come to accept them as who I am, seeing the reactions and charges I allowed in moments and the resumes of the experiences that I made of them. I commit to stopping the endless loops that such participations result in by trusting the physical in each moment of breath – slowing myself down to its pace within and as physical reality and sourcing charges and reactions within self and aligning the respective points with physical reality. 

I see, realize and understand that I had given all my attention and trust to mind system components, such as thoughts, feelings, emotions, imagination, ideas, memories, justifications, internal conversations, and inner movements such as reactions within me with little or no actual cross-referencing with reality, due to having believed it was me in fact. 

I see, realize and understand that these components of and as the mind consciousness system are being fed by my memories as stored inner pictures of past moments that have charges attached to them, such as feelings and emotions that I reacted to and react to, which are not physically real, tangible, and only like an echo of something that once was. 

I see, realize and understand that this ‘echo’ of the past cannot be a basis for trustworthy now-interpretations to be taken as facts without in-depth investigation and cross-referencing with reality.

I see, realize and understand that I have become so far separated from reality due to my participation within and as the mind that I now actually require a mind system to reflect back to me how messed up my self-relationship is. I commit to investigating this mind system which I have become, which I have come to trust over reality, because it was always within me ‘talking to me’, enchanting me like the snake in the tree, talking of being more than the physical, and eternal, and superior to the world around me. I commit to stopping this accumulation of system layers over the physical that are constituted of all the self-dishonesties I have allowed to participate in, as the experiences and imaginations, delusional thoughts, feelings and emotions and actions within/as self-interest.

I see, realize and understand that the accumulation of and as our mind points in the physical is actually a support as that I am able to see the connection between my decisions in and as each moment and the results and consequences of them, as the time lag between them is eventually diminishing and individual self-responsibility more obvious. I commit to using this phenomenon to see what the actual consequences have been and are as to prevent further time loops due to irresponsible choices as participations in the mind vs. standing one and equal to the physical reality of and as existence.

I see, realize and understand that I am making statements in favor of trusting the mind and against trusting the physical when and as I use and allow any and all of the components of the mind consciousness system without self-direction, such as thoughts, ideas, imaginations, emotions, feelings, etc. – so much so that this has compounded into an almost totally complete separation from self as life.
I realize that I am limiting myself and separating myself from life when and as I allow and accept a participation within and as the mind system components, such as undirected thought, imagination, projection and feeling & emotion states. I commit to bringing myself back into and as the physical thus allowing trust in and as me here. Within this, I commit to stop living self-doubt – a habit of reiterating a spontaneous self-expression by repeating the respective words and movements in my mind and almost self-mockingly freezing my face/the physical into the expression I had held. – I sort of arrest my body with the mind – I commit to investigating these and such moments of stifling myself within and as self-doubt in more detail.

When and as I see myself getting carried away within/as mind, in thoughts and inner conversations, I stop and breathe. I check my mindset seeing that I probably want to ‘get things done’ and am thus preventing myself from slowing down enough to address my mind participation, ‘because I don’t want to be bothered or detained’ where I tend to simply brush the point aside. I forgive having shifted into this mind state and simply stop and realign with the physical by focusing on being here in and as my body, breathing, realizing what I’m physically busy with.

I see, realize and understand that there is a point of change that I am able to utilize when I am seeing what I am doing within my internal conversations and thoughts and so, instead of brushing the issue of and as my participation aside within the inner justification of ‘well, I know, and I’ll stop…’ but then reenter the mind conversations and follow the thought processes again, I actually take this point of change and USE IT to direct myself out of the mind and into the physical.

I see, realize and understand that there were moments in the past, where I had been afraid of physical consequences of and as anger reactions toward me, especially when I feared being told off for bad school marks or anticipating a rebuke from my dad for something and -even though nothing much had come of it in some instances – I had made a habit of engaging in my mind after such acute situations of fear when in my room alone with myself. There I then found comfort in and as the mind – like something soothing, a safe energy. Thus I see that I have conditioned myself to trust the mind over the physical and associate the energy of mind states with safety from anger reactions where I could also hide from the self-responsibility of looking at the issues behind the bad marks, the reasons for possible rebukes and also even the bad conscience that was present – so mind participation was a way to avoid self-honesty and self-responsibility. I see that I created a polarity construct resulting from a real physical situation - in which I feared consequences as the display of disappointment and/or anger – and made the physical/physical reality something to be mistrusted and mind the ‘safe place’. I actually physically reinforced this polarity construct by walking upstairs into the ‘safe place’ of my room after such situations and there finding comfort in the ‘safe place’ of my mind. I commit to investigating this polarity construct and releasing myself from it / as it. I commit to investigating whether there is fear of any kind that I am avoiding to look at within and as self-responsibility and consequently seeking comfort in my mind, so I address what it is I am avoiding in the physical to move myself as trust – direct myself as and within trust of and as the physical.

to be continued

Sonntag, 8. Februar 2015

640 – Learning to Trust the Physical – Self-Forgiveness Part 2

CC Director's Cut - Self-Direction

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the way to go from unstable and destabilizing mind system identifications is to align myself with the physical, as that is reality in touchable manifestation, incorporating the living principle of oneness and equality - as it is one with all that is here in existence in fact, and in its very nature is equal to all of reality in its fundamental substance. I commit to focusing on my body and physical environment, on breath and self-direction, when mind movements come up within and as me, and every time they come up – be it thoughts, internal conversations, ideas, imaginations, memories, experiences, relationship points and others – especially points that I have mistakenly identified with believing them to be who I am in fact . I realize I've got my physical body and breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only stable part of me, of all of humanity, is the actuality of and as the physical – to a degree that I would bundle all the self-will I am able to and direct all movement toward participation in the mind within me in a moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is me as and within a consciousness system, and my decision in moments to participate in and as it, that invalidates and destroys the physical, as through the mind I am separating myself from the whole, creating this fight for survival overlay over life and living to justify self-interest and greed, instead of stopping the projections into the mind, seeing what is actually going on and moving toward a change that supports all of life. I commit myself to align my self-expression with life and shall correct myself in each moment to who I in fact want to be within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take this physical body for granted so often and treat it with contempt, because it didn’t look like I would have wished it to. In addition, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite myself as the physical and deny it what would support with adequate nourishment when desiring to lose weight all too quickly. I commit to establishing a greater degree of cooperation and connection with my body as it is the closest I as the beingness can get to the physical and it is the greatest support I have to align myself equally and one with the physical substance as Here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to really slow down enough in moments of realizing that I was participating in my mind, to within breathing allow myself as and within patience to actually direct the point and sound myself out in/as the forgiveness process. Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to disregard the little movements within and as me, instead of directing them within me/as me, justifying it and thus spiting myself within an internal conversation of ‘I want to get this done first’ and adding the desire of this want - the energy to this stance – together with a resistance to it by terming it an ‘interruption’. Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to brush aside a participation in the mind system by attaching myself to the energy of the idea of getting a task done, thus reinforcing it within and as me, thus giving way to more participations, self-dishonesties and mistaken self-identifications in the process, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the accumulation process and the layering in the mind in the physical as the consequential results within it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place the mindset of/as the finished  task above bringing me back to the physical, back to reality in a here-moment.  Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to disregard the value of/as the moment as-me, to disregard the moment of change, to disregard Life as-me, to disregard self-honesty, to disregard the tools I have and all the work I've accomplished with them, to disregard breath, to disregard myself as self-direction by and through being set on finishing the task as an idea of doing it now.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to mistake mind participation as the undirected participation in thoughts - where I recycle observations and self-observations - with self-reflection, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no solution being worked on, no life principle heeded – it just serves to sustain an energy system within separation from all that is actual and real, but consequential and detrimental to the whole by feeding on the physical, on what is substantial and thus abusing it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire getting a task done and take that as a starting point within and as me to not let myself be interrupted - instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the polarity end within and as me that is being created in doing so: the lack of the energy, which I fear in that moment; which is like having to renounce the reward, the feeling of ‘being done with the task’, and releasing the hold of and as the energy as the ‘tide I am riding’ – which can be likened to an emotional high within the expectation of achievement, which would collapse with giving in to ‘interruption’. I commit to performing physical tasks without the starting point of and as energy, just me and the physical, me in the physical, me within doing, touching, handling objects and being with the physical Here, in one and equal self-direction.