Montag, 1. Februar 2016

Day 681 - Redefining urgency/urge for myself

Redefining the words urge/urgency

first I'll play with the word, the sounding, the letters and associations etc.

urgency: u-r-genes-see-why

urge: 'ur' as in ear-th - and as I found, I need to earth myself within the living of 'urgency' and 'urge'; and 'ge' like g-force, gravity, acceleration

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so what I need to do is earth the acceleration, this 'pushing' or 'being drawn' toward the fulfillment of something in me -- where I realize that I am only able to give myself self-direction in and as this 'pushing' or 'being drawn' as the 'ge'-force when I am 'ur-thed': ur(-th) the ge(-force) in me --- because I am the genes, one and equal to the earth - so the program held in the genes that I am as earth needs to be equalized to earth = earthed - meaning I must stand one and equal to the program that I allowed and accepted by living the word urgency in the way I did in separation of myself

urgency is like agency - I can live urgency as an agent to get ahead in process, as a living word, seeing that every moment counts

urge is like a surge, earthing it so that the energy surge becomes a walking in breath with self-direction in each moment - and when we see we don't live it in a moment, we find the source and correct it

urgency becomes the flow of walking from moment to moment. Life-flow.

the grounded 'spur' of the moment urging on; urgency of the spur of the moment of life-flow; to urge on

so I redefine the words urge/urgency for myself from the adjective urgent as defined as pressing, impelling from how I lived them without self-direction and earthing to the living of urge/urgency as the realization that every breath counts to earth myself within the self-directed process toward oneness and equality best for all


Dienstag, 26. Januar 2016

Day 680 - Correcting my living of the word urge and urgency

Please refer to the last post "Day 679 - Losing myself as urge" for context being the self-forgiveness on who I am within the word 'urge' wherein I created an urgency within and as me.



After rereading to glean the corrective statements, I see I missed forgiving the creation of urgency from my participation in 'urge'. So here goes:

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I forgive myself that I'd accepted and allowed myself to create urgency within and as me from participating in the energy of urge, as the urge to find myself somewhere in 'external sources' such as books and/or channelings, through people that 'seemed to know more', without grounding myself within and as the physical and referring the knowledge and information back to me from the starting point of oneness and equality with/as the physical, but rather from a point within me that simply sought for a handle to/of myself, something that was representative to who I was - which however amounted to energy, because of being based on/in mind.

In the following I will integrate the realizations of the self-forgiveness of the previous post with the one above on the creation of urgency.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself about to participate in 'urge' / in being driven toward a search for understanding outside of myself. I see, realize and understand that I would build a pressure around 'having to find out'. Instead I  allow myself to breathe and get myself Here. I have a look at what this energy of the 'urge' is about, place it into words and give myself direction and grounding in/as it - thus earthing myself first. I see that I was limiting myself by not earthing/grounding myself. So I align my starting point by seeing everything is Here as and within me and I need only look within and without seeing everything is hidden in plain sight. I see I create the urge by looking for myself outside of myself where I experience an urgency to embrace what I hope to find - so coming from the starting point of separation. I see I would be limiting myself by losing contact to self/self-intimacy. So instead I bring the importance of grounding myself and connecting to my physical here, and establish myself Here to be able to see clearly who I am in and as everything that is Here. I support myself with self-forgiveness, corrective statements and walking the correction - to create who I want to be from who I am Here, within/as commonsense for the best of all equally. 


I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself about to judge and/or condemn other people for not 'feeling and living this urge' inwardly defining them as self-limiting. I see the point of superiority participation and my own self-limiting behavior. I stop, breathe and re-align myself to the physical.

Day 679 - Losing myself in the word 'urge'


Within a recent conversation with M I realized that I had lived the word 'urge' for many years. I had allowed this energetic experience named 'urge' to rule me. Here I am having a look at who I was within this word and what I accepted as and within myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live the word urge within and as polarity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that my starting point was one of separation within allowing myself as this word 'urge', wherein I was looking for an understanding of everything - who I am and what all of this means.

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Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create myself within and as the pressure of 'having to find out'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create pressure within and as me from the 'urge' to find out how things work, instead of allowing myself to breathe and get myself Here to see what this energy of the 'urge' was about, placing it into words and giving myself direction and grounding in/as it - earthing myself first.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project limitations into and onto my partnership within the living of the word 'urge', instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was limiting myself by not earthing/grounding myself by aligning my starting point seeing everything is Here as and within me and I need only look within and without.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to require 'external' sources of information to understand who I am in the greater whole - being the consequence of having separated myself to into an external and an internal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to require the establishment of a Portal and beings walking the system in a certain particular way to access an understanding of the functioning of what I/we have allowed and accepted Here - indicating the separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself so much from myself that I made myself subject to the energy of 'urge' to find who I am 'within it all'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create consequences for other people within my world/my partner by submitting myself to the word/energy of 'urge'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge and condemn other people for not 'feeling and living this urge' despicably defining them as self-limiting.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look down on persons in my life that didn't have or follow such an urge of wanting to find out who they are within/as it all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I had condemned myself to this energy of and as 'urge' as how I lived the word by not grounding myself and thus losing contact to self/self-intimacy.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel I had not lived within these years of 'urge' because I actually lived myself in separation of myself.

The correction to this will be written out in the next post.  

Montag, 28. Dezember 2015

Day 678 Another dimension of anger - My corrections



Suddenly the trigger of someone's anger and frustration - my experiences and what I commit to do when and as I find myself within/as them again. For context, please read Day 677 - Another dimension of anger - Trigger perspectives

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see my relationship to self change from stability to an experience of movements within me after perceiving me to be the trigger for someone's reaction. I see that when I allow this to progress, it will become harder to prevent going into a multitude of mind participations, such as taking it personally, rejection, unwillingness to connect, distance, self-rejection, aloneness etc.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself within a turn of events of anger and/or frustration that shock me because I perceive myself to be the trigger. I see, realize and understand that I am taking the reaction personally as if the person had turned against me despite me trying to help. I see that it's not about me but how he received my words in his mind.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I perceive that a reaction is triggered by me. I see that I am at a point where I am still able to prevent the onslaught of inner reactions such as stopping connecting and supporting and going into spite, into a protection/rejection mode. Instead I breathe, take care of myself to make sure I retain stability and see what needs to be said or done or can be said or done.

I see, realize and understand that my stability can be compromised when I perceive myself to be the trigger of someone's reactions because of my own reaction of rejection and consequent unwillingness to connect and support.

I see, realize and understand that seeing myself as the trigger for a reaction is only a perception or belief created as a means to create energy for the mind.

I see, realize and understand that a being's reaction has to do with his own inner reality and self-relationship - the actual trigger being HOW the being received the words through his mind system.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself fearing not able to find the appropriate way to handle the reactions of the other when I perceive myself to be trigger for them. I make sure that I am stable as a priority and the allow commonsense.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself inwardly blaming the being for not being able to connect to him in my usual way when I then want to. I see that my self-expression is not dependent on the other. I check whether I was wanting to use a certain specific behavior to connect again or actually to manipulate the other to being 'normal' again, to divert. I realign myself and see how I am able to support and self-support.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself getting angry within myself that the being is simply letting his anger and frustration reactions out. I see, realize and understand that my reasoning is that I don't do that. I see, realize and understand that I mostly suppress my anger and heretofore I commit to direct myself within this by breathing through the energy of anger and having a look at the trigger and self-forgiving it.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself within sulkiness and holding onto to it. I see, realize and understand that this is spite and an energy trap. I stop and release the energy.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as perceive myself to be the trigger for someone's reactions. I realize it is not personal and don't allow mind to hijack the point for energy from utilizing ego programs that I believe I needed to protect. I see it is HOW the being received my words.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself go into rejection of the being that I perceive is reacting to me. I see that this is based on the judgment that the being is taking out rights for himself where I hold myself back. I see that my holding back is self-suppression. I see, realize and understand that the pattern goes into self-rejection where I end up even rejecting my body. I see that this is like building a distance to myself and the other that can be equated to a possessive state. I do not allow this and stop.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see a fear of blame when perceiving myself to be the trigger for someone's reactions, where I see that I fear that I am given the sole responsibility for the anger. I see that this is a mind projection and understand that the being himself is ultimately responsible for his participations and self-relationship and I can only attempt to minimize consequences within the situation. Also I check if my words and actions are clear of energy participations.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself fearing losing harmony and connection. I see the definition of harmony I have given myself as there being no conflict and a solution-based conversing. I see that I create this loss when reacting within myself toward the other's reaction.

I see that when someone is angry at me I take it as him not wanting a connection to me & also that I reject him for not being able to keep to himself and instead make it about me and what I said.