Samstag, 25. Oktober 2014

Day 633 – Continuing the DipPro Series of allowed career influences




This is in continuation of the series in which I am sharing interesting points that have opened up within the walking of the DipPro Course on influences involved with my career decision process – here having a look at school social influences and my relationship to reading that I created during that time and expanded on based on this self-relationship - again using this very cool tool that one learns in the DipPro Course to structure the thoughts, words and deeds that constituted the involved self-programming.

So in the following I will share the self-forgiveness and corrective statements along with the ‘I am’ statements that became apparent, which I will look into at a later stage expounding on those I am still living and subsequently release them, me as them embracing myself as and within self-direction and my fullest potential.



Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself within and as a system wherein one needs reading to survive without providing this opportunity for each and every being equally.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not yet have allowed myself to work with the techno tutor more consistently, but tell myself that I want to write the words and translations out first before chunking them and practicing them, instead of taking 10 or so at a time and taking it chunk-wise concurrently.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to revel in expressions and allow shifts into feelings within it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not one and equal here with the words and so am not able to use it as and equal and one expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I have not directed the point of the wandering and assessing/judging eyes in the moment of the deed/the participation and have instead utilized reading as a ‘aid’ to keep me busy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not ‘feel concerned’ about municipal issues, instead of checking the relevant sites for municipal news regularly with the starting point of seeing who I am within it and what I am able to do and to at least undertake the first steps toward taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and ‘see the world through the eyes of the people who are more concerned with municipal issues’ with the starting point of judging their concern with being of a certain pettiness, instead of seeing that this is what is here in the city, what the focus is placed on and some of it may actually be petty, but there will be a background story behind it and many unseen levels to investigate, which I could open up to directly, objectively without judgment and a superiority stance.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to read articles with lots of information in one sentence wherein I lack a lot of background information such as the newspaper. I realize I need to learn to read between the lines and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I haven’t got going with looking up what I do not know how it works.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself create and participate in a resistance toward biased articles, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to cross-reference and not take at face value what is presented and am able to apply commonsense – thus resistance is not necessary. I am able to decide if the article is worth reading or not and thus stop the resistance and instead decide.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in impatience with myself when reading due to the self-perception of being a slow reader because I like to absorb all details and resist skimming through because I fear missing details and don’t come up with an informed baseline on the contents of the text.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I’ve created a polarity within reading as either very detailed and slow or skimming with hardly any information retention. 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire having a lot of information without investing the time and become frustrated when this is not possible.

Self-Corrective/ Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself sequestering knowledge or training to only select people, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is what we have on a world-wide basis which makes it impossible for many to survive in the system due to not having been supported to learn to read and write. I commit to having a look at how to support other groups too, to look at the parameters I need to observe and within this what I am able to invest time-wise.
When and as I revel in expressions, I stop and breathe. I don’t allow myself to shift into feelings within the respective expression wherein I am separating myself from the words. Instead I take a breath, forgive the feeling that is here in and as me, and/or the association and stand one and equal with/as the expression.

When and as I am in the s-bahn or subway and am letting my eyes wander toward other people, I stop and breathe. I don’t allow myself to judge, compare and assess/project.  Instead I remain aware, accept the thought that comes up and immediately direct myself as and within it, by saying the self-forgiveness and commitment statements.

When and as I have a look into the paper and am at the point of judging others for being concerned with municipal issues, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am thus separating myself from what is going on in this city and area, and from the people that ‘are concerned about it’. I see that I am coming from a point of superiority and am actually feeling inferior to all the information about who is promoting what and why in the city and what the situation is with respect to the myriad of issues that are going on. I commit to opening up and directing more awareness toward these things to get to know the main points and issues, the background story, get some investigations going to be able to eventually stand one and equal with the environment I live in.


When and as I am seeing myself finding it difficult to read an article with lots of information in one sentence, I stop and breathe. I do not give up and ‘loose interest’. I chunk up the sentence into smaller pieces of information and look up what I have no background information on. I don’t let myself become impatient with myself, but breathe and realize that I don’t have to manage the whole article all in one go, but commit to opening up as much as will be reasonable for the time slot I am seeing that is available. Thus, I will support myself to learn to read between the lines and sort the information accordingly so that I am able to stand equal and one with it/as it.

When and as I see that an article is biased, I stop and breathe. I realize that the points that lead me to consider it as biased are emotional wording and one-sided presentation of circumstances, which I am able to be aware of and take into consideration when reading. I am able to cross-reference such points so as to have a more complete view on the discussed points. Thus it is not necessary to take them at face value and go into resistance. I am able to consider if the article is worth reading despite the sling or not.

When and as I see myself participating in impatience while reading, because I seem to be getting ahead only slowly or not as fast as I would have expected, I stop and breathe. I check my starting point for reading the text/article/blog – is it just the information or is it about actual change that will be approached through the reading of the respective material - and realign it within and as commonsense. I realize that I often start an article with the starting point of wanting to obtain the information really quick, actually without having to read it first at all. I see I will not remember much of what I read when I participate in impatience while reading. So here I commit to breath, being Here in the physical and realizing that the brain does need some time to absorb the information. This simply takes as long as it does. I commit to breath when and as I read.


 ‘I am’ statements:

I am busy with reading in my workplace
I am very specific
I am supported by my ability to read
I am skilled at reading
I am good at finding out how technical things work
I am interested in others’ blogs and what others write
I am motivated by others’ writing
I am fascinated by expressions and words
I am joyful at rediscovering words
I am time-efficient
I am a precise reader
I am in an effort to be informed
I am seeking insights
I am an impatient reader at times
I am a slow reader
I am not capable of skimming a text efficiently
I am bad with political background info
I am frustrated with my reading skills


As I have already mentioned, these statements will be further investigated as 
to their current validity and reality in my day-to-day living, but as one is able to see, 
I have sifted through a lot of memories and self-perceptions to get to these 
self-definition points which I will take as a point of departure to commence 
with within further writings.



Montag, 20. Oktober 2014

Day 632 – Continuing the DipPro Series of allowed career influences




This is in continuation of the series in which I am sharing interesting points that have opened up within the walking of the DipPro Course on influences involved with my career decision process – here having a look at what was exactly involved - using an important tool that one learns in the DipPro Course for structure involving the thoughts, words and deeds that constituted the self-programming on the basis of which I made my decision. 

So in the following I will share the self-forgiveness and corrective statement along with the ‘I am’ statements that became apparent. The latter I will look into at a later stage, where I will pick those that I still subject myself to as a self-belief and support myself with some written self-direction to align myself with my fullest potential.

image credit

Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by ideas and fears when making my final career decision, instead of placing it all in front of me to see what is really triggering me to place one option over another, disregarding most of the options completely and keeping me from actually objectively evaluating each in the context of what is reasonably to be decided on with all the information I am able to get.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself being safe off center-field, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘being safe’ meant protecting myself from practicing till I feel comfortable within the game, meaning protecting myself from the experience I make of not-hitting the baseball the first, second or third time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the idea of being safe to influence my final career decision, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to know everything before I start, but can create myself as I go along.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how wanting to know it all before I start something keeps me limited to a very narrow spectrum of options for anything and everything I might endeavor. I commit to breath and creating myself unfettered by ideas and fears, such as having to be perfect at something before I even start, and creating a fear of failing without giving myself the chance to practice and creating myself within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe (insecure) within/as it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I actually felt rushed within striking the ball placing myself under this perspective of competition within the team of succeeding to do something so that ‘our team’ wins and thus create an opinion that the game is for winning and I am the critical instrument for winning the game and if I do not succeed, the game is liable to be lost and I am responsible for it, instead of seeing that I created this opinion and allowed it to push me and make me tense and inflexible in my movements.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe there are unnatural movements, when I was locking myself into and as a rigidity by placing myself under the perspective that I must be successful for our team to win – because ‘the game boils down to competition and winning’, instead of seeing that I am able to regard the game and my movements within it as I choose and thus to choose enjoyment of myself within participating/moving/interacting with others in a team event. I commit to allowing this self-enjoyment of moving, interacting and participating in a group event and will not allow emotional and physical tension to build up with thoughts of competition, fear of failure and having to succeed for a team to win. Instead I shall breathe and be here in my physical body to practice and see to what extent I am already able to do the respective movements and strikes and then adopt optimal steps of correction to get to the point of optimum.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deduct from the initial failures in striking the ball that I am not a ‘central player’ (a striker, catcher or pitcher), even though I did in fact enjoy the sport as such, when trying it out more at home.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to relate to this conclusion as belief about myself pertaining to baseball when considering ‘having to work for a large corporation’ that I’m not center-field, thus not reliable enough in my capabilities to carry the team through to success, and to let this belief influence me in my decisions with my final career.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to relate to the fear not being intelligible, coherent and sophisticated enough for a career that involves great responsibility and interaction when deciding on my final career, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that at this point of my decision making I would have been able to allow myself some leeway in that matter, as I could have trusted that I would learn and develop skills that aren’t so very apparent at the time, if I would indeed allow myself to and set out to do so. Thus, I commit to trusting myself to develop skills even if they would not at the moment be all-to apparent.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to from the points of fear and the beliefs of competition and success and failure create the picture/image/idea of me sitting in a private room typing and translating, thus allowing these mind system components to influence my decisions on my final career option.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that I needed the energy of a dream or energy at all of that sort to be good at something, to limit myself to such an idea and thought of and as ‘I’m good in that area within that energy’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was me per se that achieved the understanding and ability of this particular subject matter and used that energy as an add-on, like a carrier frequency on which I rode and involved myself with the subject matter within which I laid off the usual resistance and allowed my brain to open up and do its thing. I commit to this understanding that it was actually me that got out of my way in utilizing the energy, where I had a different perspective of myself – one of being equal to the teacher in a way – and so also to the subject. I see, realize and understand that I am able to stand as the starting point of being one and equal to the subject matter and so open it up to me breath by breath and step by step, leaving no room for doubt and thus not for resistance. I commit to taking this approach of oneness and equality to a subject matter I intend to integrate within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the idea of needing a connection to a subject matter on an energetic level similar to that within/as the dream to be motivated for being good at something.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by energy within the judgment of other options for the final career as not being right or good, due to the lack of motivation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my ability to understand math by believing that I am good at math in such situations when I have a crush on the teacher and can thus access the energy that I create within and as it, instead of seeing that I do not need energy to understand math, and thus create an influence that I allowed in my decision toward my final career in excluding options because they are based on some mathematical understanding.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed an influence of how I saw my mom living herself as a role within the household, care-taking and the freedom she enjoyed  in being at home and of  how I in some way connected that to her not having gone to university.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep out of the world of competition and want to feel safe at home and do what I want to without having to subject myself to systems of power and authority, and find enjoyment in a care-taker role instead of striving toward my fullest potential. I commit to continue pushing myself outward into the system to be able to test me, get feedback and learn to stand within and as the system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship, instead of looking into a career, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was looking for a positive reflection of myself within the other and as a way to escape myself, my own limitations thus only creating more self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have fear limit me within a striving for my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project onto the option of going to university that I would have to learn a lot in a short period of time and might fail under pressure, due to being too nervous and not being confident enough, where I would be blocked and tense all the time owing to strict professors there. Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let a projection of how I would feel in/at university influence me within a decision on this option, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I had accessed fears of past moments where I had stood in separation of me as who I am and projected them into and as an idea of how it would be and how I would feel. I do not allow any decisions on the basis of projected fears and ideas. I commit to re-assessing such and similar decisions on the basis of reality, on information that I cross-reference and on commonsense, as for instance prognoses on what chances one has in the system/domestic/world market.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to being corrected by my dad or someone like him who gets angry fast and comes from a point of superiority where I go into suppressed anger and inferiority and eventually try and avoid such situations, like I could imagine a situation with a master craftsman could bring up who would train me to do something – where there are situations where I’m liable to make mistakes and be told off by him for it. 

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear someone’s impatient and anger and project the arising of such situations onto a training situation, where I consequently shied away from the option of pursuing such an education, instead of seeing that I might well have learned something handy and financially supportive.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rather than learn a trade prefer focusing on something where I already had a good knowledge base, such as with English, thereby reinforcing a self-image of not being enough in some way to learn or train in such environments. I commit to investigating such options within common sense and not preconceived ideas and stop any and all fears within me so I can have a clear look at what the deal is with respect to the trade and training/education. I continue to observe where it is that I get angry and go into a suppression thereof for fear of the person correcting me impatiently, write out the situation and/or walk the correction immediately.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get all the information that is necessary for matriculation, there not being any internet or easy place of reference accept for a small booklet on professions, schools, unis and some addresses, an information lecture as overview to some options of where to possibly find the right option for oneself,  instead of seeing through this energy and the excuses in this moment for wanting to be ‘safe’, and push to communicate, exchange, reach out and ask.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let my decision be influenced by not wanting to work so hard as during my school years in Gymnasium and thus prefer an academy over a university which might have enabled me to be granted a higher degree and thus a better job in the system, instead of breathing, releasing the past within the realization that it is done and focusing on the present within the decision to be made and looking at what is the best-support to be able to have a good standing within and as the system.


Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements

When and as I’m in the process of making my final decision, I stop and breathe I investigate if ideas and fears are existent with respect to the individual options and sort myself out within/as them to be able to objectively evaluate each in the context of what is reasonably to be decided on with all the information I am able to get.

When and as I access the idea and/or desire of being/wanting to be ‘safe’ in a not-so exposed area/field, I stop myself and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am trying to hide and pro-tect  ( = cover myself from the start) myself from experiences of ‘failure’ which is actually simply practicing till one gets it right. I allow myself to feel at ease within the ‘game’/system setting. I commit to breathing through resistances, not allowing them to direct me, I shake them off, inhabit my body by allowing myself within and as it with every breath and proceed with/as commonsense self-direction, realizing that I don’t need to know everything from the start.

When and as I enter the energy of wanting to know everything from the start before entering into the field of training/education/university, I stop and breathe. I see that it wouldn’t make sense starting anything of the like if I already knew everything. I see that this desire is very unrealistic and limiting, and in fact a self-sabotage act, where I’m creating a fear of failing within an option without giving myself the chance to practice, and where I’m creating myself within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe (insecure) within/as it.

When and as I go about getting practice in an area that I want to open up for myself and start to rush because I ‘feel rushed’/’believe I have to rush’ for any particular reason my mind might bring up, such as an idea of having to win a competition, responsibility for someone else, me being the ‘critical instrument’ for success, I stop and breathe.  I see that I created this idea/belief, so I am able to un-create it by not feeding it energy and giving it validity. I allow myself to slow myself down to breath in order to be here and prevent tenseness and inflexibility, physically and mentally. I see that by slowing down I will be able to be more in alignment with the external situation, more capable of acting in accordance with what is ‘about to hit me’ – be it a ball coming towards me that I strike or a question posed or a verbal interaction/exchange that I am entering. Thus I am able to regard the ‘game’/the movements and moments as me and be here with me as the interaction and to enjoy my  participation with the others in a team setting. I commit to allowing this self-enjoyment of moving, interacting and participating in a group event and will not allow emotional and physical tension to build up with thoughts of competition, fear of failure and having to succeed due to a thought-construct.  Instead I shall breathe and be here in my physical body to practice and see to what extent I am already able to do the respective movements/interactions and eventually adopt optimal steps of correction to get to the point of optimum. I commit to slowing myself down inwardly and breathing/being here.


When and as I consider myself not reliable enough for a big corporation, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this idea is based on a past situation where I didn’t manage to make a successful strike several times in a row. I don’t allow myself to access this memory as a conclusion to who I create myself to be in the system or per se.

When and as I see the fear of not being intelligible, coherent and sophisticated enough for a career that involves great responsibility or for something else, I stop and breathe. I check the requirements of the discipline and investigate objectively what my strengths and weaknesses are. At the point of decision I do not allow myself to be directed by fear, but objectivity. If and when such objective evaluation renders a decision for the discipline viable, then I shall allow myself to trust myself and move forward toward that aim. Also I commit to trusting myself to develop skills even if they would not at the moment be all-to apparent.

When and as I see fear pertaining to the idea of competition, success and failure come up within me, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that these fears and ideas procreate ‘solutions’ that are actually self-limiting projections, that limit me within decisions and never come true as the fear-soothing solution they were assembled as. I realize these are only ideas of competition/success/failure which show me how I might experience myself in a certain projected situation, but I see that they are conjured up and not based on reality. I do not allow myself to entertain such ideas and fears and rather stick to breath and objective evaluation of the situation in reality.

When and as I am not particularly drawn to a discipline in a career field and lack the motivational energy and thus cannot imagine that it is right for me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I had opened up math using the motivation of the memory of the energy created in a dream toward the teacher but have lately realized that it was me achieving the success in math, not the energy, so I am able to do it without the energetic motivation, I simply set out to do it. Thus I commit to this understanding that it was actually me that got out of my way in utilizing the energy, where I had a different perspective of myself – one of being equal to the teacher in a way – and so also to the subject. I see, realize and understand that I am able to stand as the starting point of being one and equal to the subject matter and so open it up to me breath by breath and step by step, leaving no room for doubt and thus not for resistance. I commit to taking this approach of oneness and equality to a subject matter I intend to integrate within and as myself.

When and as I am about to draw from inner pictures, memories and associations of role models pertaining to freedom of being at home, enjoyment, care-taking, particularly of my mom and in career decisions, I stop and breathe. I realize the two columns that this is resting on: my desire to stay safe, at home and have lots of liberties/freedom and engage in some care-taking together with the resistance of challenging myself, working hard and interacting with lots of people and with personages of power and authority. Instead I will myself to strive toward my fullest potential. I commit to continue pushing myself outward into the system to be able to test me, get feedback and learn to stand within and as the system.

When and as I see myself attracted to the idea of having a relationship particularly when I am in the process of deciding on a career path, I stop and breathe. I realize the idea is holding open a back-door to not have to challenge myself on a daily basis but a believed possibility to slip into a role of care-taking and actual superficiality towards and within myself as an escape from me by remaining in my limitations. I realize I would be creating more self-limitations when in fact the idea and fascination within a relationship had been to discover myself as a positive being that becomes more through and as the relationship. I do not allow myself to go into a relationship coming from such a starting point of limitation and avoidance. Instead I shall endeavor to walk a path toward fulfilling and living my fullest potential.

When and as I stand before the option and decision of going to university or an academy or similar options and I’m about to project onto university that I would have to learn a lot in a short period of time and might fail under pressure, due to being too nervous and not being confident enough, where I would be blocked and tense all the time owing to strict professors there – I stop and breathe. I realize that I don’t in fact know how I would tackle each and every situation in university beforehand and that there are always others I can ask for support. I realize I am able to breathe through resistances and can will myself to carry on with, especially now with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and the walking thereof. Same with nervousness and confidence, which create a tenseness. I don’t allow these within and as me any longer. I see that I had accessed fears of past moments where I had stood in separation of me as who I am and projected them into and as an idea of how it would be and how I would feel. I do not allow any decisions on the basis of projected fears and ideas. I commit to re-assessing such and similar decisions on the basis of reality, on information that I cross-reference and on commonsense, as for instance prognoses on what chances one has in the system/domestic/world market. I commit to breath and stabilizing myself within my self-applications.

When and as I see myself about to react to being corrected by someone like my dad who gets angry fast and comes from a point of superiority, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am about to go into suppressed anger and inferiority and eventually try and avoid such situations. I stop this pattern and breathe and realize that it has nothing to do with me, so I do not allow myself to take it personally. I see I am responsible for my reactions within myself and investigate those and forgive myself for any participations.

When and as I am looking into further options for a career and am looking at learning a trade, but fear the impatience of the trainer/master craftsman, I stop and breathe. I realize that there are all sorts of personalities out there and that everyone and anyone can get impatient when I make a mistake, so this is not a criterion for this and those options. I realize that this is a projection onto a training situation wherein I am keeping me from pursuing such an education. I see that I might well have learned something handy and financially supportive and so I commit to objectively investigating such options.

When and as I see myself rejecting an option for a career training like uni due to a preference of focusing on something where I already have a good knowledge base, such as with English, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am about to reinforce a self-image of not being enough in some way to learn or train in such environments as the university. I commit to investigating such options within common sense and not preconceived ideas and stop any and all fears within me so I can have a clear look at what the deal is with respect to the trade and training/education. I continue to observe where it is that I get angry and go into a suppression thereof for fear of the person correcting me impatiently, write out the situation and/or walk the correction immediately, so as to stabilize in such situations of someone becoming impatient and angry so I do not limit myself due to such constructs.

When and as I see fear coming up in me of not being able to get all the information that is necessary for matriculation or other such or similar endeavors, when there is no internet or easy referencing of information, I stop and breathe. I realize it is just energy coming up and I proceed with checking out all possible additional information and consulting other people. I do not allow this fear with the excuses of wanting to be ‘safe’ within an option where I don’t need to pursue getting information, because I am able to push forward and communicate, exchange, reach out and ask.

When and as I have a period of hard work behind me and the next phase is onto me where I am reluctant to work so hard again and would rather enjoy my life,  stop and breath. I realize that I can make a break, but need a plan that I commit to in order to support myself adequately to be able to stand in the system and to not let the energy subdue me to accept options that may be less than optimal. I see that university might have enabled me to be granted a higher degree and thus a better job in the system. I see the fears, desires, ideas and my own opinions and energies that I had allowed a say in my decision. I commit to breathing, releasing the past within the realization that it is done and focusing on the present within the decision to be made and looking at what is the best-support to be able to have a good standing within and as the system.

‘I am’ statements:
I am safer ‘off center field’
I am not a central player
I am not of large-corporation material
I am not always intelligible
I am not always coherent
I am not always sophisticated
I am rather alone than with people when I work
I am motivated by sexual energy within dreams
I am energetically connected to a person in and through energetically/sexually charged dreams/dream images
I am motivated by ideas
I am in favor of options ‘that hold’ images of me managing a situation
I am not good at math
I am only good at math within a certain particular energy
I am not able to understand math as such
I am like my mom
I am able to keep house / do house-keeping
I am a care-taker
I am attracted to the idea of being in a relationship so as to enjoy more freedoms/liberties with respect to the system
I am not a career-type woman
I am not a hard-worker
I am glad the school experience is over
I am scared of having to work too hard
I am scared of having to learn a lot in a short period of time
I am afraid of failing under pressure
I am afraid of not being confident enough
I am afraid of being blocked and tense all of the time
I am afraid of inherently strict professors/teachers
I am angry when being corrected
I am afraid/loathe of my own impatience
I am in conflict with my own impatience
I am afraid of becoming irritable
I am afraid of not being able to understand complex new stuff in a short time
I am afraid of not getting the information necessary for official things that I need
I am reluctant to consult with others
I am safer at a smaller institute
I am not afraid I can’t manage on my own at a smaller institute
I am influenced by self-perceptions of fear
I am afraid of being judged
I am afraid of being unintelligible
I am afraid of being incoherent
I am afraid of being unsophisticated
I am afraid of mental blocks
I am afraid of failing
I am afraid of pressure
I am afraid of nervousness
I am a nervous person
I am afraid of being corrected by irritable impatient master craftsmen in a training situation where I feel inferior
I am afraid of not managing
I am safe when the focus is not on me
I am not capable of anything in particular
I am able to be saved from the system demands by being in a relationship