Samstag, 25. April 2015

656 “The thought shows this to me, so I must be what the thought shows me.”


Artist: Andrew Gable


This is the first part of a row of entries where I am clarifying my starting point in depth to establish a stable platform for myself that is constituted of the following points of understanding and realization pertaining to self-expression in verbal and physical communication.

I found myself in an experience of and as a mind possession that has been triggered by certain specific thoughts, ideas and picture images that I will have a look at in writing after I get these basics laid down for myself as realignment to fundamental principles that I intend and commit to live by and as.


This fallacy has shown itself to have had its moment of domination over me: 

“The thought shows this to me, so I must be what the thought shows me.”
The phenomenon being the relationship to thought:
I see the thought.
I participate, because I believe it to be true.
Thus, I don’t question it.
I connect to it -> so I define who I AM according to the thought.
I react to it within and as a reactive response.
So it determines and controls my mind, my self, my behavior.

and

“Out there” is the illusion of creation. So I create the self-expression that is me.


In the following, some forgiveness statements from the ‘Relationship Demon’ recording and my self-commitment statements:


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to love me.

I commit to seeing, realizing and understanding what it means to love myself and embrace myself within and as this love of self as one and equal within/as all life.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to accept me.

I commit to seeing, realizing and understanding what it means to accept myself and embrace myself within and as self-acceptance as one and equal within/as all life.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the desire for relationship only exists because I haven’t accepted myself.

I commit to stopping myself as and within the desire for relationship as I see, realize and understand that I’m not allowing self-acceptance – a point of separation creates the outflow of and as the desire for relationship. I commit to walking my process from mind to life within and as self-acceptance.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the desire for relationship only exists because I haven’t allowed myself.

I commit to stopping myself as and within the desire for relationship as I see, realize and understand that I’m not allowing myself as who I am within and as self-expression. I commit to fully allowing myself as who I am within and as self-expression in equality and oneness with my entire existence.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize what self-acceptance is.

I commit to seeing, realizing and understanding what it means to accept myself and within this realization walk myself into this self-acceptance as a living reality.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize what self-love is.

I commit to seeing, realizing and understanding what it means to love myself and within this realization walk myself into this love of self as a living reality.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be honest with me in realizing what self-love is.

I commit to walking each and every moment in and as breath and within that enabling myself to be here in and as my human physical body, enabling myself to slow myself down to breath and self-honestly look at what is here to direct myself within and as, so as to align myself with/as life in the physical and in that realize self-love as a living expression of self.


I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be honest with me in realizing what self-acceptance is and therefore I went to desire a relationship as a fast way out, rather than actually having a look at me asking me what is self-love and what is self-acceptance.

I commit to walking each and every moment in and as breath and within that enabling myself to be here in and as my human physical body, enabling myself to slow myself down to breath and self-honestly look at what is here to direct myself within and as, so as to align myself with/as life in the physical and in that realize self-acceptance as a living expression of self as the totality of my existence, and direct myself when the desire for relationship comes up. I see, realize and understand that the desire for relationship can also find its expression in thoughts of comparison and other placements within which I relate to myself, and not only to a partnership. I commit to stopping these and such inner placements as ideas of who I am toward something and someone and align myself with unconditional self-acceptance and love of self as life in the physical.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this person in my world.

I commit to stopping myself within and as this fear energy when and as it comes up within me as I see, realize and understand that I this is a point of separation within and as the mind of believing myself to be separate from this person and thus separating myself within and from what is real as life in the physical – within being Here. I see, realize and understand I am Here within and as all of existence as all as one as equal as physical substance – the only separation is of and as the mind which I am currently walking into reality.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this person.

I commit to equalizing myself to and with all relationship definitions I have accepted and allowed by sourcing them within and as myself as I see, realize and understand the self-limitation I am thus containing myself within and as. Instead I breathe and commit to self-create in/as each and every moment.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place love in a separate manifestation within me according to this partner I’m with.

I commit to living myself as unconditional love by sourcing the points of self-interest that I am participating in as myself and releasing myself from the fear that this love as self-interest is rooted in and thus enable myself to live love as/within actual self-expression unrestricted by relationship points of attachment and self-interest.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and in that abuse my partner and controlling this relationship because I believed I need this relationship to survive.

I see, realize and understand that survival is a point of the mind wherein I am separating myself from reality as me being here in and as the physical as an expression of and as life. I see, realize and understand that the physical will always remain one and equal with and as life and I as the beingness am in the process of aligning myself to and as Life in the Physical. I stop myself as and within such beliefs as lies to myself of needing a relationship to survive and commit myself to walking this process of alignment to, as and within life in/as the physical.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and in that abuse my partner and controlling this relationship because I believed I need this relationship to define me.

I see, realize and understand that self-definitions are points of self-limitation with respect to myself as the fullest potential that I am able to express/live/be. I do not allow myself to define myself particularly not via relationship/partnership ideas and/or beliefs. I stop myself as and within such beliefs as lies to myself of needing a relationship to define me, as this amounts to a statement of and as inferiority, and thus I would be creating the polarity of superiority and inferiority – which I do not allow. I see, realize and understand that self-definitions are inherently limiting and thus exert a form of control and abuse because they must be maintained in opposition to life-expression as the physical that is unconditional. I commit myself to walking this process of alignment to, as and within life in/as the physical and source the energy that is finding its manifestation in such abuse within and as me, and directing myself in/as it toward embracing myself as life in/as the physical.


I forgive myself for not having allowed my own self-expression and in that my partner’s self-expression.

I commit to breath Here and herein find myself aligned with who I am as and within self-expression, thus in fact also allowing for my partner’s self-expression to come forth and be received.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be in this relationship because I am scared of me and my own self-expression.

I commit to seeing, realizing and understanding when and how I use the support of my partner as a means of avoiding myself as/within self-expression and/or hold myself back from self-expressing for fear of being judged by others – the latter being/having been a cause for wanting to secure a benevolent attitude on part of one’s partner as a basis for expressing myself, which I see is not based in an unconditional allowing and accepting of and as myself. I commit to stopping myself as any and all fears with respect to self-expression and commit to unconditional self-acceptance and allowance of what is Here as this expression of and as myself to establish as this living expression of and as myself in stability of voice/tonality and communication.


“Everything must disappear in the breath in the silence of you in the moment.” … where the moment of the inbreath (inner awareness) and the outbreath (self-expression) is the silence, is the essence of you – stable, present.


In the next post I shall open up the triggers that I have given power over me to drag myself into an experience of shutting down within and as me - where I felt unable to direct myself and step out.

Dienstag, 21. April 2015

655 Fulfillment or Self-Completion – Self-Corrective Statements (3/3)





(image source: "Standing up")


When and as I see myself participating in the belief that I will be more through/within the relationship by giving it meaning and direction as a ‘more of energy’, particularly as done in a specific past-time relationship, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that my starting point for the relationship is energy and this means I have separated myself from me-Here into and as an idea of the relationship  which has the purpose of becoming ‘more’ – to become ‘fulfilled’ and this constitutes the purpose, and it makes it meaningful, supplies contentedness  - this was the trap, as it wasn’t about who I am as and within Life and overall I wasn’t taking responsibility for myself. I was trapped in consciousness of and as the mind system. I see, realize and understand that I, within this construct, I had used my self-image as being a ‘positive person’ to suppress anger and to raise my level of consciousness within the concept of spirituality. I see, realize and understand this to have been a gage for beings I was with and thus I entered comparison and the polarity of superiority and comparison. This is unacceptable. I do not allow this construct of and as the search of meaning and trying to place meaning into a relationship  within and as me as this is how I am keeping myself from  taking self-responsibility. I commit to embracing each moment within and as a starting point of self-responsibility and self-direction, and thus also standing in equality and oneness with the other – where I align myself to life within and as the physical, to stand equal to and as physical awareness.


When and as I see myself wanting to give ‘everything I am’ to the other, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is based on the idea that one must sacrifice oneself for the being ‘when one loves’ – but at the same time there’s wanting to be acknowledged for that; so this is absolutely ego-based and I’m only in it for the energy-kick I would get from the self-image of being so noble and good, but in fact making myself and the being inferior to the idea that is being lived out. I see, realize and understand that I hadn’t sacrificed myself to the being, but to an idea of being better/superior because I am the one who gives - and within this I see, realize and understand that I had been praised by my parents for being the giver pertaining to my brother, so I had felt superior.  So also within this I see, realize and understand that at the same time I took praise as a point to enter superiority and comparison, where the comparison point brought judgments of the other on the one side and self-judgments of myself on the other. This evolved into a pattern where the scales sometimes dipped more to the one side with my self- judgments prevailed and gave rise to fear of not being accepted and then dipped into me ‘being superior’ when my judgments of the other were predominant. I see, realize and understand that I had the same process with dad,a where when I felt inferior I had accepted all those self-judgments and as a balancing attempt I went into judging him – this escalated into and as points of rejection. I commit to stopping this system of praise and sacrifice within and as me. I commit to investigating such moments further, where and how I accessthis system and in which way the polarity of superiority and inferiority play out here.


When and as I see myself as forth-going and purposeful and in that see meaning in what I do, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that within that self-reflection I am judging myself positively and implementing the being as the one I can play this out on - thus inferiorizing the other as me.  I commit myself to stopping positive judgment and walking one and equal with the other.


When and as I see myself interacting with a being/partner, wanting the other to be a certain way so it will fit my momentary personality participation and feed it, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that if the being does not engage in it, I will be liable to participate in backchat and blame the other for not allowing me to ‘be’ this certain particular way of/as the personality – actually blaming the other that I may not be energy, instead of seeing that I have in that moment given up my self-responsibility for myself as life. I do not allow this. I stop and breathe and realign my starting point to Life, the Physical and being Here. Within this, I see, realize and understand I had wanted to have the other react and behave in a certain way so I could live my self-beliefs of being caring, analytical/rational, stable, unemotional and selfless, and thus I see, realize and understand that I was setting myself on one end of the polarity scale requiring the other end to balance this out – a role that was thus open for the partner in the relationship. I stop this craving for fulfillment of characteristics I have created from and as mind. I commit to breathing and walking myself into and as self-creation.


When and as I see myself accessing anger toward a being, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in the process of the polarity creation of superiority and inferiority I had created a fear of anger – and on some level decided to suppress this emotion – for fear of facing what is behind it, who I was creating myself to be in all of it – as the prisoner and the guard of the prison at the same time = the whole polarity construct of anger as the perpetrator and the victim, because there are always both ends to the polarity pair. I see, realize and understand that we had both lived ourselves within and as the roles of victim and perpetrator at the same time. I commit to stopping myself as and within this construct and walking the points of and as anger as they come up and releasing them from my system accordingly.


When and as I see myself going into a relationship personality, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that there is anger tucked away somewhere inside myself that I am hiding from myself for engaging in this construct of and as relationships and how I am within and as it. I commit to releasing myself of such participations in energetic movements of relationship personalities, as I see, realize and understand that I am not this personality and that the thoughts that come up within and as it, does not and cannot define who I am, unless I allow it. I do not allow myself to accept it and instead live myself into equality and oneness within and as the physical.


When and as I see myself not embracing myself within and as self-honesty, where I can see this within me as a moment of self-mocking, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am compounding self-compromise and I stop. I have a look at the moment and name the energy movement that I had participated in and as. I take a look at what has triggered the movement and why I decided to participate and follow it and thus believe the movement defined who I was in that moment, as I accepted it as a representation of my beingness. I commit to stopping the participation in such movements and preventing myself from creating trigger points for such entries from the onset.

Dienstag, 14. April 2015

654 – Fulfillment or Self-Completion? Commitment Statements (3/2)









(Image Source)
When and as I see myself reacting to information, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this involves a shift into and as energy which acts as a filter that falsifies the incoming information. I do not accept this shift into and as self-delusion. I stop, breathe and have a look at the information and who I am within and as it, self-forgive and release. I commit to stopping this and such shifts within and as me through stopping myself within/as the respective triggers/reactions, standing one and equal with them and releasing this program that constitutes the trigger information.

When and as I see myself within the desire for ‘unconditional support’ and ‘fulfillment’, especially in moments where I ‘feel rejected’, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am within an energy and have separated myself from reality. I see the aspect of wanting to be saved from having to walk my process/my acceptances and allowances and the consequences alone – to be saved from myself , instead of taking self-responsibility and facing myself – seeing that I am able to walk this moment by moment and that every moment counts, to in this moment make a choice to move out of the energy by doing some sf sounding; and to walk this step by step. I see, realize and understand that if I am actually in need of support there’s a lot of support out there for the asking. I commit to walking myself out of such energy possessions of desire for unconditional support and fulfillment, flagging the point of ‘feeling rejected’ here, and walking myself into self-completion, into life within and as the physical.


When and as I see myself talking with beings that I am familiar with about past or future planned events, I stop and breathe. I see that I am creating, and tend to create and bring in, movements of excitement with talking about things I did or will do, and then from there, after some time, open up an energy of and as meaning, an idea that I create around this fact I am relating and around the being. I see that this becomes a subtle energy that envelops me and holds me; where, if/when this energy bubble bursts, I fall into the oppositely polarized energy. I see that this falling into the opposite is often triggered by and through my interpretation of words or statements expressed by the person that is currently being focused on. I don’t allow myself to create energy around the thoughts, the relating as such, the planned or past events nor the being as the partner in the conversation. I commit to walking this point into completion meaning until I stand one and equal to all the individual program lines of information so that there is no more energy left to manifest a reaction.


When and as I see myself thinking about the being and who he/she is for me, how we relate to each other and that it is ‘nice’, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is how I often generate meaning as an energy/feeling toward a being by using a string of information as past-memory-moment that either holds a plan or a particular idea/statement and evaluate it (add an energy value to it), make it bigger than reality by expanding the duration of the past moment within me/as me to hold meaning that is projected over time; where I compare the current situation to past situations – all within the perspective I place as meaning into the respective past-moment that holds his/her/our statement(s) or expressed plan(s)/idea(s). I see, realize and understand that I am creating an alternate reality inside myself that is being substantiated by my very physical substance – in fact, just to make more of me-Here. I see, realize and understand that I am separating myself from what is real, thereby making me susceptible to further energetic systems and outflows, such as rejection, feeling rejected, blame, spite etc. This stops here and now. I stop the thinking on how I relate to the being because it is only based on the past as memory moments, it is not real – this I commit to.


When and as I see myself getting involved in thoughts about past-moments of conversation with a being that I’m familiar with, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I’m as-mind trying to create energy for and as the mind by making more of my moment Here. I stop this and don’t allow it within and as me anymore. I am not going to drive this human physical body into ruins by allowing and accepting further participation in such energy sourcing for the mind system. I commit to drying out such, other and all mind-energy based systems and programs within and as me.


(Image Source)
When and as I see myself wanting to save a being, specifically at the beginning of a relationship as in the case of a being of/in my past, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this pattern is rooted in my relationship to my dad that I lived within the polarity of superiority and inferiority and revealed itself as competition to show him ‘I am valid’ and that ‘I count’. I see that had lost myself in this competition and validation process, where I had simply diverted myself from what was Here and also wanted something external to save me from my inner-self reality of feeling less than and judging myself, and thus trying to ‘validate’ myself through ‘helping the other’/’saving the other’/’giving direction’.


When and as I see myself in the situation of being together with a being who is sad, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in such cases I would draw from and simultaneously charge the polarity system of superiority and inferiority by feeling superior to the being that is within his emotion and I can change that by focusing on him within a stance of positivity. I do not allow myself to do that anymore, since I realize the limiting and self-limiting nature of this relationship I had allowed to and within myself and to others-as-myself. I commit to stepping out of this polarity construct of superiority and inferiority and create myself anew within and as life as the physical.


When and as I see myself pondering on the word meaning in connection to a relationship, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I had been looking for purpose, fulfillment and content for my life - outside of myself. I see, realize and  understand that I had wanted to attach myself to an idea of something special and greater that is created by being together, to give it meaning. I see, realize and understand that I had till now not considered personal preference so much in this pertaining to being attracted to a person, I had pushed it aside and hoped to find meaning and fulfillment and  no matter if the being is ‘ideal’ in my mind pertaining to my attraction This I have been able to stop on many dimensions. I commit to walking this system till I stand one and equal.

When and as I see myself placing a decision on meaning as a possible add-on to a relationship, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I would be allowing self-deception to guide me – coming from the memory of when I had considered this couple, where the male gained attractiveness, in my eyes, due to being in a relationship with this female, and where I now see that I had projected onto her that she attached some meaning to her relationship with him because, according to me, it couldn’t have been his looks (lol). I see, realize and understand that I must investigate my starting point – according to whether I am relating to this memory. I do not allow myself to go into ideas of meanings that add up to a more of energy and generally subject myself to a concept of and as the mind. I commit to stopping myself from going into the creation of meaning as an idea of there being more than which is real/Here.


To be continued with part 3.3 of the self-corrective statements.