Freitag, 6. März 2015

644 – Unwillingness to Change what I See in a Moment – A Flagpoint

Desteni Artists

The following point was discussed in chat of How do I sabotage myself by using the excuse ‚I need to work more on this point‘, thus allowing to make it and accepting as a precondition for self-change? So first, I want to note that I hadn’t been aware of having made this a point that amounts to a precondition for change or that it actually disenables me to direct the moment in a way that the next step is done or even taken into consideration in that moment. In allowing this excuse within me / as me, I am allowing postponement and disempowering change in the moment. I therein allow myself to get lost in projections of being different in the future, when I will have something/some issue, point or aspect incorporated… hopefully. So in this I am holding myself back from change, transformation and direction

Further opening up this point in chat revealed that there needs to be that practical physical movement alongside the writing which will bring about the opening up of deeper dimensions of a point. Thus to see, there is no validity to the concept of ‘having to open this up further, then I can change’, rather a simultaneous walking of writing and doing. I can for instance see that I need to apply self-forgiveness in the moment of participating in movements not just within the big points of obsession as my main constructs, but the ‘moment-to-moment me’ = who I am in each and every moment. Strangely I associate ‘each’ within the expression of ‘each and every moment’ with slowing down to breath and seeing what is at the cutting edge of time, so to say, where the present moves into the past; and ‘every’ within this expression I associate more to a whole period of time where ‘big’ patterns and obsessions seem to of the essence. Instead I see and understand that it is indeed about walking one’s points concurrently, inside and out, all of the time and changing within the moment, the best degree one is able to, as everything is here all of time anyhow.

So with the statement/excuse of ‘I have to work on this first’ I am opting for a disregard of the change in the moment, postponing change and focusing on a time in the future where I will have written and enabled me to change, but … not now! It’s an allowance to let the present moment slip through without embracing myself within and as the physical but go into separation within the idea that this will be what I am able to do in the future = I am allowing fear of not making it, of not managing to direct me. There is no self-trust in it, like saying “I have to be able to trust myself before I can trust myself.” (Anna’s quote). It is internal programs, thoughts and emotions of the mind that bring forth reactions and habits that I experience and do in the physical, so to be effective in changing I have to support myself both within and without while walking my process through points within myself and my life. (taken from Sunette’s remark)

Confidence comes from doing the thing I want to have confidence in, by practicing, as within the principle that courage is not about having no fear, but facing it (Yogan)
So instead of postponing my process, I commit to start changing while walking through the point simultaneously - as within writing I might not be opening up all the dimensions - so through moving through them in physicality I can unfold and expose more layers and I can break through more barriers.

643 – Trusting the Physical – Self-corrective Statements and Commitments, Cont.

Desteni Artists
I see, realize and understand that the way to go from mind system identifications where I allow destabilization is to align myself with the physical. I understand that the physical incorporates the principle of oneness and equality as it is one with all that is here in existence in fact due to its manifestation in/as fundamental substance. I commit to focusing on my body and physical environment, on breath and self-direction, whenever mind movements come up within me, as me: thoughts, internal conversations, ideas, imaginations, memories/past experiences, relationship points, points of self-identification. As self-support I have got my physical body and breath.

I see, realize and understand that my only stable point is the actuality of the physical, not the mind system = my ‘thinking box’ that I have trusted so far; I see, realize and understand that I had placed all that I am into and as the mind and thinking.

A side note, pertaining to anger: I see, realize and understand that I had resorted to ‘reason’ and being ‘unemotional’ – without seeing the suppression I had allowed in avoidance of anger and other emotions directed at me, where I had felt abused, and thought I could avoid this abuse by suppressing anger-as-myself (and other emotions) within myself. I see, realize and understand that suppressed anger/emotions constitute self-abuse – where I am continuing the experience of abuse within me, as me, holding ‘it’/me suppressed, under a lid. I see, realize and understand the actual creation of myself as self-suppression and self-abuse that I had allowed and accepted. I see, realize and understand the illusion that this type of self-image of having resorted to reason and rationality/being-unemotional constitutes. So I stop suppressing anger and emotions, I breathe, acknowledge what is here within and as me and stop me as the movement, within the movement and direct point as the charged memory moment or judgment.

I see, realize and understand that it is my decision to participate in the mind system that constitutes an invalidation and destruction of the physical, my body – where I am separating myself from the whole and creating this fight for survival overlay over life and living to justify self-interest and greed. I commit to stopping myself as this fight for survival, by stopping projections into the mind to see what is actually going on and move toward a change that actually supports all life. I commit to aligning my self-expression with life and to correcting myself in each moment to who I in fact want to be within and as the physical.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts of judgments toward my body, my figure and /or body parts, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am taking my body for granted with respect to what it is doing for me. I see that I am participating in and as contempt for my body and allowing myself to compare the body/body parts with a picture of physical perfection that I had accepted and allowed. I look at the charge and how I created it and forgive myself; I delete the picture. I align myself with breath to become aware what is real and realize what it is like to be embraced by my body; to be here within/as my body; to embrace myself as the body.

When and as I see myself wanting to lose weight, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that there is a desire behind that want which is rooted in a picture memory of a particular type of person that is slender – that I long to incorporate. I see, realize and understand the tendency I have had to spite myself as the physical and deny it adequate support just to lose weight quickly. I commit to establishing a greater degree of cooperation and connection with my body. I understand that it is the closest I can get to the physical and it is the greatest support I have in my process to alignment with physical substance.

When and as I see myself not having patience to slow down and speak forgiveness, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am disregarding myself as life in such moments, because this and every such moment is my chance to delete the thought I would accept in my stead, instead of me as life, a moment of actual living/life. I commit to stand within the application of self-forgiveness to allow me to see for real what it is like without the polarity charge and what is behind the thought & who I am behind it. I commit to bringing all of me here, as and within patience / breath to allow me to direct the point and completely and steadily sound myself out. I commit to giving regard to all movements within/as me equally in that I direct myself within them / as them to stand equal to the points and release myself from the power they hold over me. I stop the self-spite within/as the justifications I use in my mind of ‘wanting to get this other thing done first’. I do not allow myself to see the formulating process of self-forgiveness statements as an interruption of my task. I instead take the opportunity to delete thoughts and pictures/images of the mind and forgive the charges that bind me to the past and into and as the mind. I allow to take it step by step without pressure to complete it ‘on the side’, but to actually fully focus on what is here that needs direction. I see, realize and understand that allowing such moments to slip by undirected layer and accumulate and leave me with consequences that I will ultimately have to work through anyway. There is always consequence.

When and as I see myself at the point of realizing a movement and anticipating self-forgiveness and see an energy of impatience move within and as me, I stop myself and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is the point of change, where I usually got locked into a ‘mind-set of wanting to finish the task’ and now am able to choose, breath and self-forgiveness. So I step back a bit from the work I’m doing and slow myself down. I have a look at the movement and who I am within and as it, release the energy charge and delete the thoughts and images. For internal conversations I check whom I’m having the conversation with and what I’m projecting onto him/her within it, bring it back to me and forgive the points of separation/the mind points, particularly also the energy I was hereby creating, allowing and accepting. Herein I commit to self-honesty, to breath and taking the time for myself to be here and do this. I set my Self, Here, as priority. I see that doing the task when I am actually present within and as it will support me a lot more than when doing it in a ‘mind-mode’ wherein I’m in my separate little world. I see, realize and understand that being Here within and as the physical and speaking and sounding the forgiveness – gifting me this moment – is an expression of trust towards, of and within the physical. I commit to creating this space of trust as an allowance within and as me, a point of self-direction, whereby I move myself into this physical space and time of gifting me to myself by self-forgiving ‘the mind-box limitation participations’, stepping back from the task for a moment, breathing, looking into me in/as self-intimacy and aligning myself with what is real.

When and as I see myself trying to work things out in my mind, I stop and breathe. I self-honestly check whether I am self-directive within doing so or just allowing myself to follow thoughts and associations, go into imaginations and internal conversations. I see, realize and understand that I must be the directive force here utilizing an imagination, for example, to a specific end – not to create energy or divert myself, or using thought/a thought to see what is here and immediately direct the point through self-forgiveness and self-correction and commitment. I see, realize and understand the trap that undirected participation in thoughts presents in that I am being contained in an energy system in separation from all what is actual and real. By staying in that container and continuing along the chains of thought I am feeding on my own physical, antagonizing and abusing myself as the physical, instead of allowing myself as and within Trust as the Moment in and as the Physical, as Substance Here. I commit to Self-direction in each and every Moment by Slowing myself down, Breathing, Aligning Thoughts and thus Myself with Physical Reality.

When and as I see myself resisting to step from the task I’m engaged in for a moment, I stop and breathe. I deliberately take this step back physically, and see that I don’t want to stop the energy I am accessing from why I originally engaged in that task, for example, to divert myself from something - or to even release an energy build-up within handling the physical objects. I commit to clarifying this starting point before I continue, so I can actually be Here within the task, the handling of the objects (when washing the dishes, for example). So if there is a point which I am diverting myself from, I look into ‘why’ and set up a plan of action to resolve the issue within me. If there is a release that I want/need, I have a look how I created this energy build-up and forgive the points as me. Only then I allow myself to continue with the job at hand. I commit to being Here in the Physical with the Physical – no mind participation, no starting point of energy of either trying to divert myself or release energy.

Montag, 23. Februar 2015

642 Trusting the Physical - Continuation of Self-Commitment and Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself at the point of change in a moment where I can pull myself out of an energy participation, I stop the action, breathe and ground myself. In that I step out of the mindset, direct myself in and as the moment and forgive what I had been directing me instead of me directing myself.
I see, realize and understand that there is motivation within and as energy and self-directive action. I commit to seeing the point of change and applying myself as and within self-directive action.

I see, realize and understand that simply pushing away the fact of the participation and the energy/information I followed the moment I notice I’m doing so amounts to me deciding against life, placing my mindset of getting finished with the action above correcting myself to standing equal to life and the physical – actually using this action in the physical to justify not halting and forgiving, not using the point of change for correction. I commit to stopping such internal justifications and directing myself toward the physical, as the physical by focusing on breath.

I see, realize and understand that I have a behavior pattern of long standing of splitting myself from the physical task, placing myself as the expression of and as ‘mind over matter’. I commit to reversing this by walking the consciousness that I created myself as, correcting the polarities and aligning myself with the correction to stand one and equal with the physical.

I see, realize and understand that all the points I have separated myself from - by and in shifts into consciousness through self-dishonesties = not seeing who I actually am as the physical, as life - have come to manifest in/as the mind consciousness system. Thus the mcs is me in separation from me – and when I participate in it (as it), I am removing myself from my Self.

I see, realize and understand that I am cutting myself off from the ‘big picture’ of and as existence when and as I participate in/as consciousness and am then only able to reference perspectives from within this isolated system – a system based on everything that is removed from life as physical reality. I commit to stopping my unfounded trust in the mcs and allowing myself into a oneness and equality with the physical as and within my body that is already equal and one with existence.

I see, realize and understand that I have actions I identify with, that are ‘mine to do’, and so I want to get them done in one go, where I already have the following action set out in my mind and don’t want an interruption – and thus I only brush aside the thoughts and inner conversations when I notice my participation together with possible corresponding forgiveness. I realize that the self-identification also holds the energy of believing ‘I’m efficient when I pull this through now’ and so I’m set on pulling it through without the interruption of a pause to ground myself and speak self-forgiveness when I realize I’m within internal conversations. I commit to stepping out of such beliefs of efficiency and other energies connected with the task, especially those based on self-identification and allow myself to be here within/as the physical action and to breathe and ground myself when something comes up and I’m tempted to or beginning to participate.

I see, realize and understand that I had accepted myself as being Here versus a part of me here and most of me as my greater-self out there. And in doing so I at the same time accepted all my self-judgments that were also here as valid without challenging them – telling myself all of me is Here, what is Here is the only thing that is valid. So I commit myself, when and as I see myself judging myself, tensing up inside or like a parrot repeating what I had just said in a conversation, where I am allowing self-doubt, to stop and breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to identify with self-doubt or with any self-judgment for that matter. I release the self-judgment and specifically the self-doubt that has surfaced with breath and self-forgiveness. I realize myself from the self-observation framework of and as self-judgment, within which I perpetuated such points and actually reinforced them by making them into self-fulfilling prophesies.

I commit to challenging the self-judgments, the self-perceptions based on thoughts and memories of and as myself.

I see, realize and understand that I had trapped myself in the illusion of a judgment of myself that I believed to be valid and I had to walk myself out of it by meeting unspecified high standards, whereby I would then rise above the specific point being judged. I see that my starting point was off. I commit to practicality – seeing what I am able to improve and walking this step by step – giving myself a clean slate with respect to self-judgments, allowing myself unconditionally without identifying with  I-am statements pertaining to nervousness, insecurity, not finding the right words etc. I commit to walking what is actually still here as a self-limitation without blowing it up disproportionately within the mind, but seeing it for what it is.

to be continued