Montag, 20. Oktober 2014

Day 632 – Continuing the DipPro Series of allowed career influences




This is in continuation of the series in which I am sharing interesting points that have opened up within the walking of the DipPro Course on influences involved with my career decision process – here having a look at what was exactly involved - using an important tool that one learns in the DipPro Course for structure involving the thoughts, words and deeds that constituted the self-programming on the basis of which I made my decision. 

So in the following I will share the self-forgiveness and corrective statement along with the ‘I am’ statements that became apparent. The latter I will look into at a later stage, where I will pick those that I still subject myself to as a self-belief and support myself with some written self-direction to align myself with my fullest potential.

image credit

Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by ideas and fears when making my final career decision, instead of placing it all in front of me to see what is really triggering me to place one option over another, disregarding most of the options completely and keeping me from actually objectively evaluating each in the context of what is reasonably to be decided on with all the information I am able to get.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself being safe off center-field, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that ‘being safe’ meant protecting myself from practicing till I feel comfortable within the game, meaning protecting myself from the experience I make of not-hitting the baseball the first, second or third time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the idea of being safe to influence my final career decision, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to know everything before I start, but can create myself as I go along.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how wanting to know it all before I start something keeps me limited to a very narrow spectrum of options for anything and everything I might endeavor. I commit to breath and creating myself unfettered by ideas and fears, such as having to be perfect at something before I even start, and creating a fear of failing without giving myself the chance to practice and creating myself within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe (insecure) within/as it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I actually felt rushed within striking the ball placing myself under this perspective of competition within the team of succeeding to do something so that ‘our team’ wins and thus create an opinion that the game is for winning and I am the critical instrument for winning the game and if I do not succeed, the game is liable to be lost and I am responsible for it, instead of seeing that I created this opinion and allowed it to push me and make me tense and inflexible in my movements.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe there are unnatural movements, when I was locking myself into and as a rigidity by placing myself under the perspective that I must be successful for our team to win – because ‘the game boils down to competition and winning’, instead of seeing that I am able to regard the game and my movements within it as I choose and thus to choose enjoyment of myself within participating/moving/interacting with others in a team event. I commit to allowing this self-enjoyment of moving, interacting and participating in a group event and will not allow emotional and physical tension to build up with thoughts of competition, fear of failure and having to succeed for a team to win. Instead I shall breathe and be here in my physical body to practice and see to what extent I am already able to do the respective movements and strikes and then adopt optimal steps of correction to get to the point of optimum.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deduct from the initial failures in striking the ball that I am not a ‘central player’ (a striker, catcher or pitcher), even though I did in fact enjoy the sport as such, when trying it out more at home.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to relate to this conclusion as belief about myself pertaining to baseball when considering ‘having to work for a large corporation’ that I’m not center-field, thus not reliable enough in my capabilities to carry the team through to success, and to let this belief influence me in my decisions with my final career.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to relate to the fear not being intelligible, coherent and sophisticated enough for a career that involves great responsibility and interaction when deciding on my final career, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that at this point of my decision making I would have been able to allow myself some leeway in that matter, as I could have trusted that I would learn and develop skills that aren’t so very apparent at the time, if I would indeed allow myself to and set out to do so. Thus, I commit to trusting myself to develop skills even if they would not at the moment be all-to apparent.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to from the points of fear and the beliefs of competition and success and failure create the picture/image/idea of me sitting in a private room typing and translating, thus allowing these mind system components to influence my decisions on my final career option.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that I needed the energy of a dream or energy at all of that sort to be good at something, to limit myself to such an idea and thought of and as ‘I’m good in that area within that energy’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was me per se that achieved the understanding and ability of this particular subject matter and used that energy as an add-on, like a carrier frequency on which I rode and involved myself with the subject matter within which I laid off the usual resistance and allowed my brain to open up and do its thing. I commit to this understanding that it was actually me that got out of my way in utilizing the energy, where I had a different perspective of myself – one of being equal to the teacher in a way – and so also to the subject. I see, realize and understand that I am able to stand as the starting point of being one and equal to the subject matter and so open it up to me breath by breath and step by step, leaving no room for doubt and thus not for resistance. I commit to taking this approach of oneness and equality to a subject matter I intend to integrate within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the idea of needing a connection to a subject matter on an energetic level similar to that within/as the dream to be motivated for being good at something.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by energy within the judgment of other options for the final career as not being right or good, due to the lack of motivation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my ability to understand math by believing that I am good at math in such situations when I have a crush on the teacher and can thus access the energy that I create within and as it, instead of seeing that I do not need energy to understand math, and thus create an influence that I allowed in my decision toward my final career in excluding options because they are based on some mathematical understanding.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed an influence of how I saw my mom living herself as a role within the household, care-taking and the freedom she enjoyed  in being at home and of  how I in some way connected that to her not having gone to university.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep out of the world of competition and want to feel safe at home and do what I want to without having to subject myself to systems of power and authority, and find enjoyment in a care-taker role instead of striving toward my fullest potential. I commit to continue pushing myself outward into the system to be able to test me, get feedback and learn to stand within and as the system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship, instead of looking into a career, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was looking for a positive reflection of myself within the other and as a way to escape myself, my own limitations thus only creating more self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have fear limit me within a striving for my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project onto the option of going to university that I would have to learn a lot in a short period of time and might fail under pressure, due to being too nervous and not being confident enough, where I would be blocked and tense all the time owing to strict professors there. Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let a projection of how I would feel in/at university influence me within a decision on this option, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I had accessed fears of past moments where I had stood in separation of me as who I am and projected them into and as an idea of how it would be and how I would feel. I do not allow any decisions on the basis of projected fears and ideas. I commit to re-assessing such and similar decisions on the basis of reality, on information that I cross-reference and on commonsense, as for instance prognoses on what chances one has in the system/domestic/world market.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to being corrected by my dad or someone like him who gets angry fast and comes from a point of superiority where I go into suppressed anger and inferiority and eventually try and avoid such situations, like I could imagine a situation with a master craftsman could bring up who would train me to do something – where there are situations where I’m liable to make mistakes and be told off by him for it. 

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear someone’s impatient and anger and project the arising of such situations onto a training situation, where I consequently shied away from the option of pursuing such an education, instead of seeing that I might well have learned something handy and financially supportive.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rather than learn a trade prefer focusing on something where I already had a good knowledge base, such as with English, thereby reinforcing a self-image of not being enough in some way to learn or train in such environments. I commit to investigating such options within common sense and not preconceived ideas and stop any and all fears within me so I can have a clear look at what the deal is with respect to the trade and training/education. I continue to observe where it is that I get angry and go into a suppression thereof for fear of the person correcting me impatiently, write out the situation and/or walk the correction immediately.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get all the information that is necessary for matriculation, there not being any internet or easy place of reference accept for a small booklet on professions, schools, unis and some addresses, an information lecture as overview to some options of where to possibly find the right option for oneself,  instead of seeing through this energy and the excuses in this moment for wanting to be ‘safe’, and push to communicate, exchange, reach out and ask.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let my decision be influenced by not wanting to work so hard as during my school years in Gymnasium and thus prefer an academy over a university which might have enabled me to be granted a higher degree and thus a better job in the system, instead of breathing, releasing the past within the realization that it is done and focusing on the present within the decision to be made and looking at what is the best-support to be able to have a good standing within and as the system.


Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements

When and as I’m in the process of making my final decision, I stop and breathe I investigate if ideas and fears are existent with respect to the individual options and sort myself out within/as them to be able to objectively evaluate each in the context of what is reasonably to be decided on with all the information I am able to get.

When and as I access the idea and/or desire of being/wanting to be ‘safe’ in a not-so exposed area/field, I stop myself and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am trying to hide and pro-tect  ( = cover myself from the start) myself from experiences of ‘failure’ which is actually simply practicing till one gets it right. I allow myself to feel at ease within the ‘game’/system setting. I commit to breathing through resistances, not allowing them to direct me, I shake them off, inhabit my body by allowing myself within and as it with every breath and proceed with/as commonsense self-direction, realizing that I don’t need to know everything from the start.

When and as I enter the energy of wanting to know everything from the start before entering into the field of training/education/university, I stop and breathe. I see that it wouldn’t make sense starting anything of the like if I already knew everything. I see that this desire is very unrealistic and limiting, and in fact a self-sabotage act, where I’m creating a fear of failing within an option without giving myself the chance to practice, and where I’m creating myself within and as the polarity of safe/unsafe (insecure) within/as it.

When and as I go about getting practice in an area that I want to open up for myself and start to rush because I ‘feel rushed’/’believe I have to rush’ for any particular reason my mind might bring up, such as an idea of having to win a competition, responsibility for someone else, me being the ‘critical instrument’ for success, I stop and breathe.  I see that I created this idea/belief, so I am able to un-create it by not feeding it energy and giving it validity. I allow myself to slow myself down to breath in order to be here and prevent tenseness and inflexibility, physically and mentally. I see that by slowing down I will be able to be more in alignment with the external situation, more capable of acting in accordance with what is ‘about to hit me’ – be it a ball coming towards me that I strike or a question posed or a verbal interaction/exchange that I am entering. Thus I am able to regard the ‘game’/the movements and moments as me and be here with me as the interaction and to enjoy my  participation with the others in a team setting. I commit to allowing this self-enjoyment of moving, interacting and participating in a group event and will not allow emotional and physical tension to build up with thoughts of competition, fear of failure and having to succeed due to a thought-construct.  Instead I shall breathe and be here in my physical body to practice and see to what extent I am already able to do the respective movements/interactions and eventually adopt optimal steps of correction to get to the point of optimum. I commit to slowing myself down inwardly and breathing/being here.


When and as I consider myself not reliable enough for a big corporation, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this idea is based on a past situation where I didn’t manage to make a successful strike several times in a row. I don’t allow myself to access this memory as a conclusion to who I create myself to be in the system or per se.

When and as I see the fear of not being intelligible, coherent and sophisticated enough for a career that involves great responsibility or for something else, I stop and breathe. I check the requirements of the discipline and investigate objectively what my strengths and weaknesses are. At the point of decision I do not allow myself to be directed by fear, but objectivity. If and when such objective evaluation renders a decision for the discipline viable, then I shall allow myself to trust myself and move forward toward that aim. Also I commit to trusting myself to develop skills even if they would not at the moment be all-to apparent.

When and as I see fear pertaining to the idea of competition, success and failure come up within me, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that these fears and ideas procreate ‘solutions’ that are actually self-limiting projections, that limit me within decisions and never come true as the fear-soothing solution they were assembled as. I realize these are only ideas of competition/success/failure which show me how I might experience myself in a certain projected situation, but I see that they are conjured up and not based on reality. I do not allow myself to entertain such ideas and fears and rather stick to breath and objective evaluation of the situation in reality.

When and as I am not particularly drawn to a discipline in a career field and lack the motivational energy and thus cannot imagine that it is right for me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I had opened up math using the motivation of the memory of the energy created in a dream toward the teacher but have lately realized that it was me achieving the success in math, not the energy, so I am able to do it without the energetic motivation, I simply set out to do it. Thus I commit to this understanding that it was actually me that got out of my way in utilizing the energy, where I had a different perspective of myself – one of being equal to the teacher in a way – and so also to the subject. I see, realize and understand that I am able to stand as the starting point of being one and equal to the subject matter and so open it up to me breath by breath and step by step, leaving no room for doubt and thus not for resistance. I commit to taking this approach of oneness and equality to a subject matter I intend to integrate within and as myself.

When and as I am about to draw from inner pictures, memories and associations of role models pertaining to freedom of being at home, enjoyment, care-taking, particularly of my mom and in career decisions, I stop and breathe. I realize the two columns that this is resting on: my desire to stay safe, at home and have lots of liberties/freedom and engage in some care-taking together with the resistance of challenging myself, working hard and interacting with lots of people and with personages of power and authority. Instead I will myself to strive toward my fullest potential. I commit to continue pushing myself outward into the system to be able to test me, get feedback and learn to stand within and as the system.

When and as I see myself attracted to the idea of having a relationship particularly when I am in the process of deciding on a career path, I stop and breathe. I realize the idea is holding open a back-door to not have to challenge myself on a daily basis but a believed possibility to slip into a role of care-taking and actual superficiality towards and within myself as an escape from me by remaining in my limitations. I realize I would be creating more self-limitations when in fact the idea and fascination within a relationship had been to discover myself as a positive being that becomes more through and as the relationship. I do not allow myself to go into a relationship coming from such a starting point of limitation and avoidance. Instead I shall endeavor to walk a path toward fulfilling and living my fullest potential.

When and as I stand before the option and decision of going to university or an academy or similar options and I’m about to project onto university that I would have to learn a lot in a short period of time and might fail under pressure, due to being too nervous and not being confident enough, where I would be blocked and tense all the time owing to strict professors there – I stop and breathe. I realize that I don’t in fact know how I would tackle each and every situation in university beforehand and that there are always others I can ask for support. I realize I am able to breathe through resistances and can will myself to carry on with, especially now with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and the walking thereof. Same with nervousness and confidence, which create a tenseness. I don’t allow these within and as me any longer. I see that I had accessed fears of past moments where I had stood in separation of me as who I am and projected them into and as an idea of how it would be and how I would feel. I do not allow any decisions on the basis of projected fears and ideas. I commit to re-assessing such and similar decisions on the basis of reality, on information that I cross-reference and on commonsense, as for instance prognoses on what chances one has in the system/domestic/world market. I commit to breath and stabilizing myself within my self-applications.

When and as I see myself about to react to being corrected by someone like my dad who gets angry fast and comes from a point of superiority, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am about to go into suppressed anger and inferiority and eventually try and avoid such situations. I stop this pattern and breathe and realize that it has nothing to do with me, so I do not allow myself to take it personally. I see I am responsible for my reactions within myself and investigate those and forgive myself for any participations.

When and as I am looking into further options for a career and am looking at learning a trade, but fear the impatience of the trainer/master craftsman, I stop and breathe. I realize that there are all sorts of personalities out there and that everyone and anyone can get impatient when I make a mistake, so this is not a criterion for this and those options. I realize that this is a projection onto a training situation wherein I am keeping me from pursuing such an education. I see that I might well have learned something handy and financially supportive and so I commit to objectively investigating such options.

When and as I see myself rejecting an option for a career training like uni due to a preference of focusing on something where I already have a good knowledge base, such as with English, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am about to reinforce a self-image of not being enough in some way to learn or train in such environments as the university. I commit to investigating such options within common sense and not preconceived ideas and stop any and all fears within me so I can have a clear look at what the deal is with respect to the trade and training/education. I continue to observe where it is that I get angry and go into a suppression thereof for fear of the person correcting me impatiently, write out the situation and/or walk the correction immediately, so as to stabilize in such situations of someone becoming impatient and angry so I do not limit myself due to such constructs.

When and as I see fear coming up in me of not being able to get all the information that is necessary for matriculation or other such or similar endeavors, when there is no internet or easy referencing of information, I stop and breathe. I realize it is just energy coming up and I proceed with checking out all possible additional information and consulting other people. I do not allow this fear with the excuses of wanting to be ‘safe’ within an option where I don’t need to pursue getting information, because I am able to push forward and communicate, exchange, reach out and ask.

When and as I have a period of hard work behind me and the next phase is onto me where I am reluctant to work so hard again and would rather enjoy my life,  stop and breath. I realize that I can make a break, but need a plan that I commit to in order to support myself adequately to be able to stand in the system and to not let the energy subdue me to accept options that may be less than optimal. I see that university might have enabled me to be granted a higher degree and thus a better job in the system. I see the fears, desires, ideas and my own opinions and energies that I had allowed a say in my decision. I commit to breathing, releasing the past within the realization that it is done and focusing on the present within the decision to be made and looking at what is the best-support to be able to have a good standing within and as the system.

‘I am’ statements:
I am safer ‘off center field’
I am not a central player
I am not of large-corporation material
I am not always intelligible
I am not always coherent
I am not always sophisticated
I am rather alone than with people when I work
I am motivated by sexual energy within dreams
I am energetically connected to a person in and through energetically/sexually charged dreams/dream images
I am motivated by ideas
I am in favor of options ‘that hold’ images of me managing a situation
I am not good at math
I am only good at math within a certain particular energy
I am not able to understand math as such
I am like my mom
I am able to keep house / do house-keeping
I am a care-taker
I am attracted to the idea of being in a relationship so as to enjoy more freedoms/liberties with respect to the system
I am not a career-type woman
I am not a hard-worker
I am glad the school experience is over
I am scared of having to work too hard
I am scared of having to learn a lot in a short period of time
I am afraid of failing under pressure
I am afraid of not being confident enough
I am afraid of being blocked and tense all of the time
I am afraid of inherently strict professors/teachers
I am angry when being corrected
I am afraid/loathe of my own impatience
I am in conflict with my own impatience
I am afraid of becoming irritable
I am afraid of not being able to understand complex new stuff in a short time
I am afraid of not getting the information necessary for official things that I need
I am reluctant to consult with others
I am safer at a smaller institute
I am not afraid I can’t manage on my own at a smaller institute
I am influenced by self-perceptions of fear
I am afraid of being judged
I am afraid of being unintelligible
I am afraid of being incoherent
I am afraid of being unsophisticated
I am afraid of mental blocks
I am afraid of failing
I am afraid of pressure
I am afraid of nervousness
I am a nervous person
I am afraid of being corrected by irritable impatient master craftsmen in a training situation where I feel inferior
I am afraid of not managing
I am safe when the focus is not on me
I am not capable of anything in particular
I am able to be saved from the system demands by being in a relationship

Samstag, 18. Oktober 2014

Day 631 - More points regarding influences toward my career path as part of the DipPro series



This is in continuation of the series in which I am sharing interesting points that have opened up within the walking of the DipPro course on questions such as “How did my relationship with someone at a certain particular time in my life influence my career path?”, “How did it come about that I hadn’t supported myself at the time?”, “What did I do to avoid actually testing out my limitations and walking through resistances?”, “What ideas and pictures did I hold toward my career path?”, among others.

image credit


So after applying an important tool that I learned early on in the DipPro course, I was able to obtain a cool written structure of what thoughts, words and deeds constituted the self-programming that I subjected myself to - which I dissected with self-forgiveness and am sharing in the following, together with the subsequent self-corrective steps which shall guide and support me in the walking of my self-creation process toward my fullest potential.


Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold an idea within me/as me that I wouldn’t be working for a company, but be working/translating at home – basing this idea on a picture I saw on TV on a woman in her home typing away at texts she had lying in front of her.

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project and believe that I would only focus on translating English without considering if this would suffice at all, not looking at market/demand situations.

Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel safe within this mode of thinking and consequently let the effort I undertook for my standing in/as ‘career’ and financial self-support suffice.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live myself as relationship in a way that I had seen Mom do towards Dad, somewhat in a care-taker role, cooking, inviting him out, doing things with him and the other students/friends in the atrium house, without placing much attention to my future, to a standing in/as the system, to a career, to myself in/as reality – but avoided this whole matter by way of ‘care-taking’ and focusing on my boy-friend and my relationship to him.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not resource the motivation within and as me to enable me to create a standing within and as the system for myself, but rather let the chance for a good educational foundation slip and get myself caught up in mind, considering if I want to be with this boy-friend, or someone else, thinking of what I could do, but never making anything of anything.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to base a decision toward who-I-am in my career training on an idea of ‘it will suffice’ and the picture of sitting there and translating, and consequently avoiding further earnest investigation by diverting myself with my friend/relationship and friends within a role-play of care-taking and enjoying myself. 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not-want to be heard nor seen in and as the system / who I am in/as the system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to avoid seeing myself as a part of the system at all, thinking I could ‘hide away in a room and translate’ and that would be all that was required or possible for me, as who I was at the point, or would ever be.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid even this point of existence in and as ‘sitting in a room and translating’ as something that I might want to be successful with or could even be very successful with or good at, by instead looking at myself in/as ‘the relationship’ – sometimes in doubt of him being the right person and sometimes simply in enjoying the role of care-taking and general enjoyment of friendships and fun things to do.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed thoughts and ideas of my current efforts sufficing based on pictures of me in seclusion, like ‘The poor poet’ and such.

Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not have resourced the motivation and self-support to live my fullest potential but limit myself to melancholy under-achievement.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place myself under the impression that this idea of myself is all my abilities will amount to / will allow, within which I will be safe however and I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the system’s expectations or demands.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being overwhelmed by expectations or demands of the ‘system’, instead of realizing it is me and my own allowed and accepted limitations I am fearing.


Self-Corrective / Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself in a situation of having to consider my financial/system standing and having to support myself, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I must consider the market/demand situation and how competitive I am within it and what I am able to do and/or change so that I can increase my chances within/as it to provide myself with the necessary finances to live properly and take part in the world/the system as a whole, to be heard, seen and able to make a change for the best of all. I realize I didn’t want to be heard nor seen in my ‘career’ and standing in/as the system, but rather tried to avoid the matter by playing relationship roles, searching myself in/as relationships within the mind and enjoying myself after some ‘endeavor’ or effort. I do not allow this. Instead I sit down with myself and make a plan based on what I am principally able to do at all, what the system requirements are, where I am standing and what is to be done to support me to get from A to B. I do not allow thoughts and ideas and decisions based on it of my current efforts sufficing based on pictures of me in seclusion, like ‘The poor poet’ and such, as I realize I wouldn’t be living my fullest potential but limiting myself to melancholy under-achievement, under the impression that this is all my abilities will amount to, where I am safe and I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the system’s expectations or demands. I see, realize and understand that everything I project onto the system is in fact me. I commit to walking my process from consciousness within and as the polarities, emotions/feelings, justifications, fear, avoidance etc. to awareness and in that self-support for standing in/as the system to walk the necessary change toward best for all.


 ‘I am’ statements at the time (to be investigated in blog posts to come):

I am a care-taker within my relationships
I am not dependent on school/college lessons for my financial stability/career.
I am not company/corporation material.
I am sufficient within my focus on/in English.
I am entitled to some enjoyment after ‘Gymnasium’
I am a cook for friends
I am not good at the final exams for college
I am more interested in a relationship than a career
I am late to realize that I had to compete on the job market with that college certificate

As to the current validity of these statements – this will be another point of self-honesty where I will have a closer look at these individually and take self-responsibility in changing who I am as and within them, by walking corresponding timelines of such moments of participation and opening up new and better choices of self-application.